crop roundup

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Last weekend was the crop in Orange Beach. I wish I could have brought you all with me, but I probably would have coughed on you and now you'd be sick. So, here's what happened at the crop: I got sick, Megatron wore two hoodies at once, Frugal Beth spent more money than I, and Prof. Dr. Hillary caught her first roll at Lambert's. After Hilly caught the roll she got all into the Lambert's experience with all the passarounds. The passarounds at Lambert's are fried okra and potatoes and things like that. The rolls are awesome.

Look at that roll. 

I love bread. I haven't had a lot of bread since I've been on Weight Watchers, so I savored that roll. It was as big as a softball. Everything at Lambert's is big. I had meatloaf and it was the size of a meatloaf I'd make at home. Huge. They also have weird side items, like beets. I've never had beets, so I deem them weird. I like almost all vegetables, but I'm not going to try beets. 

At one point at Lambert's, Frugal Beth attempted to catch a roll, but it hit a metal rooster hanging from above our booth and the roll exploded into a million pieces. It was comical.

Photo[1]Also, it was Meg's birthday. It wasn't actually her birthday, but we made it her birthday (it was Thursday). Here's a little known fact about our dear Megatron: she detests any public acknowledgement of her birthday. Naturally, I enjoy making public acknowledgements of her birthday because it's fun. When we walked in Beth told our server it was Meg's birthday and when she and Meg went to the restroom (because Meg has to wash her hands upon entering any restaurant and announces it) I made sure the server knew it was Meg's birthday. The announcer at Lambert's told of someone's birthday, a couple's wedding the next day, and a kid getting his learner's permit — we joked that next they would announce someone was losing their virginity that night.

Then it happened – they announced Meg's birthday and asked her to stand. She glared at me and said "did you do this?"  She refused to stand. They said it again. She just sat. I think she said "I hate y'all." Then came the best part – "Megan who is with the 3 ladies, please stand." She stood. It was great. People yelled "woo-hoo." No one died. 

And we ate rolls.

 

PhotoAnd we made mustaches out of pipecleaners. It was good times.

Please note that Hill wore a "Hillary Rocks" t-shirt. She was keeping it real. She claims she bought the shirt during Hillary Clinton's campaign, just as I wanted a shirt when John Kerry ran. I love that she wore this shirt to the fancy schmancy restaurant in the hotel. 

Besides being Meg's semi-birthday, it was also Hilly's anti-versary. She was married in Orange Beach years ago that week and stayed at the same resort where we were staying. She is no longer with Mr. Prof. Dr. Hillary, but as you can see, she has it going on and won't be single for long.

Since it was an occasion, I decided we needed a cake. I like cake, so I find lots of occasions call for cake. I had talked to my friend and baker extraordinaire, JBC and she said she was up to the task of a divorce cake, so we just needed to decide on an idea. My friend Molly had the idea of a voodoo doll man (thanks, Molly – I had a piece for you) and I emailed JBC immediately. She sent me pics of four cakes within minutes. It had to be red velvet of course. 

 

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The cake came out great. And delicious. And funny. Remember to contact JBC (aka Jenny from the Block/Sister Cardinal) for all your voodoo cake needs. And if you see JBC, tell her to get on Facebook because it annoys me that she isn't on. There is hope for her, as she finally got a phone that does more than make calls. 

So, that was the crop. Fun had by all and bronchitis had by me. Good times. 

Kerry blog on location

I am sitting in a conference room with a view of the beach in January. Palm tree, reflection of the sun on the water, white sand, 50 degrees. And because I cannot go to a scrapbook event without something happening, I am sick and my oldest daughter is at home with a fever. Of course.  At least it's pretty outside. Not that I'm outside. I'm inside at a table with Bethy Beth and Megatron waiting for Prof. Dr. Hillary to get here. My throat hurts, I have a cough, and my head feels foggy. I've been here since 3 o'clock yesterday and I've done one layout. Pathetic. 

Here's the layout.

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My hair looks weird today. I think it's the water. Or the fact that I left my shampoo and conditioner at home and used the hotel kind. Plus there is no coffee here. I came down from my room and the coffee was gone. I'm uncaffeinated. Surely my hair does better on caffeine. I know I do. 

More later.

crafts for poor people

As you may have guessed from the title of this blog, I enjoy the crafting.  Not so much crafting as scrapbooking (although I have been known to make fabulous Christmas ornaments, mainly my faux mercury glass ornaments).  Anycraft, I've been artsy crafty for as long as I can remember and I grew up less than wealthy, so I love the idea of Amy Sedaris' new book, Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People.  

Sedaris is a comedian and the book is written in jest, but I assure you, when I'm elected Something or Other, I will bring crafting to the poor.  There will be a social program for crafts.  Crafting is a right of life just like healthcare and cell phones and it's about time our government recognized this.  

Let's watch Amy Sedaris on the Today Show.


 

I want her dress.  

Also, non-crafters may not realize the problem of craft-induced back and neck pain.  This is exactly why we have massage therapists at ScrapFest!  Thank  you, Amy for bringing this problem to the public's attention.

P.S. Drunk/medicated crafting is where it's at, but don't tell anyone I said that.

give thanks banner

Sometimes I remind myself that years ago this started out as a scrapbooking blog.

I made a Thanksgiving banner today with the "help" of the kids.  I let them ink edges.  I'm not crazy, I'm not letting have all the fun.  It says "give thanks" and I used all sorts of stuff on it: Basic Grey letters, Prima flowers, Jenni Bowlin bingo card and notepaper, and a lot of ink and Tim Holtz crackle paint.

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on illness, death, and things that are generally not awesome

I've been semi-MIA the past few days, here's why:

Last Thursday my scrapbook peeps and I went to a cabin in the swamp/woods to hang and crop.  This was not my idea.  I am not remotely what you would call "outdoorsy."  I'm allergic to everything and I have asthma and I don't like insects, but I like my friends, so I went.  It was our own little retreat and I have to say, I had more fun in the cabin than at any retreat I've been to and believe me, I've been to a bunch.  So, yeah, we were in a cabin with air conditioning and running water and all, but it was still roughing it as far as I was concerned.  Frugal Beth and I arrived to see we would have to bring our bags up fairly steep stairs.  Now, this was a scrapbooking trip and we had my minivan (maxifun) packed to full capacity with scrapbook bags, plastic 12×12 organizers, ice chest, overnight bags, bags of snacks and beverages, pizzas, and a tray of Triple Dippers from Chili's.  If we ever do the cabin-thing again, we're getting one with a ramp (and bringing more southwestern eggrolls 'cause them was delicious).  

On the way to the cabin Beth and I talked about how sad Farrah's death was, then said I said "well, you know how celebrities deaths come in threes.  Ed McMahon, now Farrah."  And for some reason after that, I checked Facebook on my iPhone (no, I'm not obsessed) to see everyone's status updates read something like this: OMG WTF Michael Jackson is dead?!?!?

I am nothing if not resourceful, and went to Google news where I found a plethora of contradicting headlines from CNN, AP, Reuters, and every news organization known to man.  This just wouldn't do.  Beth and I had to know the truth before we were smack dab in the middle of gatorland, where we feared there would be no television or wifi.  At that point I realized the person my friends rely on for pop culture information is me and there is no one to call to confirm this story.  Sad, isn't it?  I called Melissa, who had not left for the swamp yet, and she said MJ was in the hospital and of course moments later I check CNN again they're saying he's gone.  We arrived at the cabin, where Megan was already scrapbooking (I know, the nerve!) and watching — get this — Friends on the flat screen.  Beth and I bust out with "how can you be watching Friends at a time like this?!  Michael Jackson's dead!"   Seriously. 

And so began the Michael Jackson Death Watch weekend.  Heartwarming, isn't it?

…….

Saturday I tried to post layouts to the blog on the iPhone, but got a message from Typepad saying my account was put on hold because something was wrong with billing my credit card.  Okay, so I got a new debit card and forgot to update my info, whatev. 

Sunday I made it home to see that Billy Mays had died and decided something very strange was going on in the universe.  That afternoon a mucho tired me took the almost 6 year-old, her big sis, two friends, and my bud Frugal Beth (mom of one of the friends) to the circus, as if I don't have a three-ring circus at my house.  Please.  And I nearly twisted my ankle on a New Orleans sidewalk.  Imagine that.

Monday afternoon I noticed five or so red streaks on my right heel going up my ankle and two of the streaks going up my calf.  I'm not a doctor, but I thought this was bad and with the way people are dying lately, I thought about having a will drawn up.  Shortly after that, I started feeling pretty bad and researched the streak-thing online which made it sound like I was very near death or at least getting ready for an emergency room visit.  Then I talked to a couple of friends in the medical field about it (shout out to my peeps), and by the end of the night was pretty sure I wasn't dying.  And pretty sure is good enough for me. 

Tuesday I woke up feeling like death on a bad day.  I was positive I'd be sitting on a cloud learning the harp with Elvis by nightfall (totally kidding, Elvis is still alive).  I know everyone has different thoughts about what heaven will be like.  I've read what the Bible has to say on the subject several times, but I like to think Fred Astaire is giving dancing lessons and Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon do a nightly talk show. 

Yesterday afternoon I felt a little better and started writing this very post. 

Now it's Thursday night and I'm nearly 100%.  Streaks have faded, energy is back, and I didn't need a nap this afternoon. 

Here's the thing, being sick is not enjoyable.  I spent a good portion of this week trying to rest.  Yes, I said trying.  For those of you without children or just one child, let me paint a picture for you.  I will be your Bob Ross, minus the afro. 

It's 9am, I'm in bed.  Katie is standing next to my bed asking what's for breakfast.  My hubs is sitting with his laptop at the kitchen table.  I tell her to ask her daddy.  Next comes Molly asking if they can go swimming.  I tell her to ask her daddy.  Katie returns, says her daddy told her to wait until he's finished sending an email.  Andrew enters the room with no Pull-Up or undies on, jumps on my bed and asks for cookies.  At this point I get up.  Later that afternoon I attempt a nap.  Exactly three minutes after I get comfy, here comes Katie asking if they can play upstairs.  Next the hubs asks where his iPod is.  Now, I do not use his iPod.  Where in the marriage vows does it say "I will find everything you lose" for the rest of my life?  For realz.  Next it's Andrew saying he can't find MollyKatie (he's reduced them to one name).  Then Molly comes in, asking when their daddy is taking them to swim and can she wear her tennis shoes instead of her flip flops.  Out of nowhere Katie pops up, says Molly won't play upstairs and wants a snack.  The hubs returns, says he's taking the kids swimming.  The kids all go nuts and run out of the room, only to return seconds later asking where 42 things are. 

…….

Sunday marks the beginning of Kerry's Crazy July, with our anniversary and Katie's birthday, followed by my berfday, then Andrew's, and the hubs at the end of the month.  It's about this time every year when I remind myself that Katie was due in June and had she been born then, it would have lessened my July stress.  I mean, come on. 

1st layout from the swamp

This is Molly’s bubble gum layout and Ill have take a better pic when I get back to da house. 1st layout from the swamp

put down the glue gun

Y'all know I am nothing if not crafty, but lately I have seen a few things that go beyond craft and down a road not only less-traveled, but perhaps the road to crazy craft town.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  I don't mean the things your wonderful child brings home from school that's made with love (and glitter and popcicle sticks and macaroni) that you can in no way figure out what it's supposed to be.  Is it an ashtray?  Is it a trivet?  Do I hear coaster?  NO, I'm referring to the crafts that no one needs. 

I'm thinking you need a visual.  

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When I saw this photo of the First Lady at Westminster Abbey, I thought, "interesting.  I have that ric rac and trim in my scrapbook bag."  For realz.  Poor Michelle looks like she fell into one of my scrapbooking bags and came out with a skirt.  And she's wearing two cardigans.  Two.  Now, I read that the tunic is designer.  And just when I was going to call Mrs. O and tell her to put down the glue gun.  Yeah, it's by Australian designer Richard Nicoll.  That reminds me, I'm launching my new clothing line this fall.  It will be very earth-friendly, as all clothing will be made from recycling embellishments from my scrapbook stuff.  I will also feature a line of monogrammed cardigans with all the letters I have left after spelling titles.  The cardigans will be a big hit with those of you with names that start with Q, V, W, and Z. 

Il_430xN.75637767 Speaking of recycling, I never know what to do with all my leftover felt and I'm always thinking of practical gifts for friends, but never did I think the two would meet.  Lo and behold, my latest Etsy find: Owl Pasties!  No, I'm not kidding.  They're called "Check Out My Hooters" and here's the description: Bedroom Beauties pasties are a hoot as bachelorette party gifts (trust
me), and guys love them (trust me). Bring out your inner burlesque
beauty and show off those girls!

Wait a damn minute.  Guys love them?  There are men who get all hot and bothered by owls?  Oh hell no.  Now I have a new reason to count my blessings everyday — that I didn't marry a man with an owl fetish. 

I may be going out on a limb here, but hell, if I don't say it who will?  It's time to stop with the trophy heads.  Now, I've never been a fan of the taxidermy trophy head hanging in a den or an office — I think it's creep city.  My father-in-law had alligator heads in their old house and decorated the deer heads for Christmas and I just can't go along with that.  Plus the alligator heads were freaky — they were upstairs and sat at the doorway of his office, so when I saw them I'd think, "oh crap, alligators!  oh crap, how did they climb the stairs?!" 

Moose.184111914_std Anytaxidermy, I've noticed something of a phenomenon lately called Modern Trophies.  They may be made of felt or other fabrics or in this case, resin and paper.  The big boy to our right may be the best yet — a moose made with Amy Butler paper (I know, I have the scrapbook paper).  I'm so confused and torn.  I can't decide if it's a horrible craft gone wrong or a really awesome way to hang my handbags in my bedroom.  Sure, it goes against every fiber of belief I have that animal heads do not belong on walls, but I'm kinda loving the moose.  And I'm not against hunting, I'm just against hanging the dead things inside.  I would have to put some big fake eyelashes on the moose if I bought it.  Oh well. 

I'm ending this post with the find that inspired it.  I found it on Craftgossip.com and when I saw the photo I must have stared at it, mouth agape, for 10 minutes.  There were several reasons for the staring —

  1. there are some crazy ass people in this world.
  2. seriously, wtf?
  3. never have I thought, "oh, that would make a great finger puppet!"
  4. so, this is what you would wear for special occasions?
  5. definitely much better with crystals.
  6. it could do without the eyes.
  7. stop staring at me.

3615129500_c279f9c6c3_m Okay, first things first — no, it's not real. 

Yes, it is what you think it is.

Yes, it is a finger puppet. 

No, I don't think it's available for purchase

No, I don't know how Stacyrebecca made it.

Yes, The Kerry Blog has sunk to a new low. 

the girl’s loft

Have I told you how much I love Margie Romney-Aslett? 

Margie was one of the instructors at the Scrap Etc. event my peeps and I went to in Hotlanta and we decided she's our new bff.  The woman is made of fabulous and is creative out the wazoo.  Margie is a former Making Memories line designer (how awesome is that) and she designed one of my fave lines of all time, Noteworthy.  Please, she's superfantastic.  You know I don't toss that word around lightly. 

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At Scrap Etc., Margie told us she was starting a new endeavor with her daughters, but couldn't give us details then.  Well, guess what?  She and her girls went and started The Girl's Loft, a kit club that will debut in June.  Knowing Margie's work,  I couldn't be more excited.  At this moment, Margie is running a contest on her blog for a giveaway of a 6 month membership to The Girl's Loft if you link to her blog from your blog, Facebook, or Twitter.  So, here's hoping I win.  Y'all check out The Girl's Loft and sign up on June 15th when the first kit debuts. 

Oh, yeah, here's Margie and me rockin' our aprons at Scrap Etc.  Shut up.  It's almost too much fantabulous for one picture. 

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buzz buzz

Dude, it's been a busy week for the queen bee.  We got back from Atlanta Sunday evening and I started working to finish the ScrapFest! website for the re-launch.  I had Andrew's speech evaluation Monday (which I had totally forgotten about until Sunday night), Mother's Day gifts to buy, gifts to mail, and the re-launch this week.  The website takes up a ton of my time at two points during the months leading up to the event — right now being one of them, getting the whole damn thing changed, colors, background, fonts, dates, the PayPal store, and all the Photoshop that goes with that.  All of the elements were created in Photoshop I learned a few new tricks for making things like the torn notepaper and the new scalloped menu buttons.  I'm pleased.  Last weekend at ScrapEtc. we took a class from the fabulous Jessica Sprague and I got the chance to ask her some Photoshop questions, which for a self-taught girl like myself, that was a great experience.  I so wish when I had started working with da Shop I knew about Jessica's online classes.  She has lovely classes that teach digital/hybrid scrapbooking using Photoshop Elements and they are fantastic.  If you're interested in learning from one of the masters, visit her site, you'll be glad you did. 

And so, we're off to Houston for the weekend for some time with the hubs.  We'll be heading to Kemah tomorrow for Boardwalk fun with the munchkins and good food.  Scott said he wants to go to Joe's Crab Shack, but I'm thinking the kids would love The Aquarium.  I would much rather go to Caddilac for Mexican food because I'm trying to stretch Cinco de Mayo to include the entire month. 

Here's a sneek peek at the new ScrapFest! site.  Y'all have a fab weekend and a wonderful Mother's Day. 

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Georgia on my mind

When I heard Scrap Etc.'s event was going to be held in Atlanta, I knew I wanted to go.  Atlanta is one of my favorite places.  The hubs and I lived north of Atlanta when we were newlyweds back in 1997-98 in Gwinnett County.  It was a great place to live and we had heaps of fun each weekend exploring the area. 

This weekend some of my favorite peeps and I will be exploring the Crowne Plaza Resort for Scrap Etc.'s "Wishful Thinking: the art of creating memories."  I couldn't  be more excited to be spending the weekend with my girlfriends (even the fabulous Lisa is meeting us all the way from Connecticut) and we will see lots of scrapbooking friends we've made over the years.  This event is much different from ScrapFest! in the way that we will be in classes from 9am 'til 5:30 each day with cropping at night.  Most of us are used to the open-crop sort of retreats, so we're hoping to learn fun new techniques from some of the best in the industry. 

We're also hoping to get some good shopping in on this trip as well.  Can I tell you how much I love Phipps Plaza and Lennox Square?  Bloomingdale's, Nieman Marcus, Kate Spade, Louis Vuitton, Crate & Barrel (my favorite), Burberry, Nordstrom, Vera Bradley, Saks Fifth Avenue, and Tiffany & Co.  Y'all.  Oh, and Teavana — it's like tea heaven.  Love that.  And Perimeter Mall is close to our hotel, where there is a Nordstrom, so I may have to get the Mrs. Robinson dress.  And we can get an Orange Julius too.  Is there anything better than a scrapbooking weekend, fab shopping, and an Orange Julius?  Okay, dinner at The Melting Pot.  I'm pretty sure we're going for some fondue.  It's going to be a good weekend. 

Check out Scrap Etc.'s site to see the instructors and their blogs for some creative inspiration.

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