Happy Mother’s Day

In case you still haven’t gotten your mother a gift, feel free to clip this coupon.

Don't cut your screen, please.

Don’t cut your screen, please.

31 day Christmas challenge – Day 14: how many Christmas cards do you usually send out?

I send around 30. Sometimes I make cards for close friends, sometimes I don't. 

Can we talk about the back-to-back Christmases when I sent cards with the same photo on them. I believe one of my girlfriends called me and said "you idiot, you sent this picture last year." You can only say that to people you love. I did sent the second set of cards the year I found out I was in menopause, so that's my excuse. Really. It takes a special person to design a card on a computer two years in row with the same picture of their kids.

 

31 day Christmas challenge – day 13: Have you ever had a white Christmas?

I think I should start answering these with yes/no answers, leaving no explanation. 

Yes, I have had a white Christmas. Kind of. In 2004, we moved to Mandeville, LA and were renting a house while waiting for our current house to be built. The hubs was in Afghanistan working, I was pregnant with Andrew, and my parents were visiting. After the Christmas morning hoopla and while I was getting lunch ready, it started to snow. It was lovely. It didn't stick, but Molly got to experience catching snowflakes on her tongue with her grandmother on Christmas day. 

31 day Christmas challenge – Day 10: kissing under the mistletoe…have you done it?

More like "kissing under the mistletoe…have you taped mistletoe to your forehead and waited with your lips puckered?" 

Yes, I have. No, I didn't actually do that. Maybe.

31 day Christmas challenge – Day 9: what are you doing for Christmas this year?

This year we are hosting my husband's family's Christmas party. I've never hosted it and I don't own a tablecloth. I don't like them. I like the look of wood, not a tablecloth. I feel pressured to buy one. But enough about my neuroses.

OMG. Do I have make a cheeseball?

So, we're having this party. Santa will come, the hubs' grandmother will read T'was the Night Before Christmas, there will be gumbo (better than There Will Be Blood, but you never know), and we will have presents. There are always questionable presents, but you didn't hear that from me. 

On Christmas Eve, we will go to church and then to my mother-in-law's for a party. There is no telling what we will have to eat. As you recall, last year I missed all the parties and stayed home on Percocet and had red velvet cake because that was the only thing I could eat that didn't hurt my recently-pulled wisdom teeth. This year I didn't schedule any surgeries, so I guess I have to be in attendance. It is too late to schedule some liposcution? Anysuction, at the MIL's house, we draw names for gifts. I usually get some Vera Bradley. I can't complain. 

Christmas Day is all about the immediate family. Meaning, when my children wake up, they will immediately come wake us up so they can get to the loot Santa brought. I will pretend to be surprised with whatever the hubs gives me because most of the time I order whatever it is for myself (except last year when one of my gifts was Ricky Martin's biography). 

announcing the 3rd annual Ugly Lawn Contest

It's that time again. 

Uglylawncontest

That's right, it's The Kerry Blog Christmas Ugly Lawn Decor Contest. Readers search far and wide (much like the 3 kings searching for Baby Jesus) for the ugliest Christmas yard they can find to submit to the Kerry Blog. This year I'm giving away a $15 iTunes gift card. So, go ahead and enter. You know you want to. 

And in case you're new to the blog and wondering just how tacky tacky can be, take a look.

Christmas-decorations

conversation hearts

I don't know about you, but I love a Conversation Heart. Not the taste, but the sentiment. 

Here are pictures from Cake Wrecks and Metal Floss for your Valentine's day. The first are like a cookie game of "one of these things is not like the other…"

Liz t.ow.sweetheart cookies hoe bag

I love Valentine's day.

Bittersweets_adtl_zoom 

Longtime readers will know my favorite. "Return My CDs" is the best sentiment ever. Remember my college stalker who took my Fleetwood Mac CD? I'm dedicating this paragraph to that nutjob. Also, "Aging Poorly" and "Peaked @ 17"  are ones I'd like to dedicate as well. Ah, I love Valentine's day. So full of love and candy and sweet sweet blogging satisfaction.

 

you’ll do

Grumpy-valentine-card
This is exactly the sentiment I like in a Valentine. You can download printable here.

if Santa’s coming to my house he’s coming through the space heater

Now it may be because I'm recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed and I'm on drugs, but I thought this was funny.  


 

I've never seen Lopez Tonight, but Antoine Dodson is fantastic.  

Bonus points for mentioning a space heater, Wendy Williams, Kool-Aid, and a switchblade.  If you didn't grow up with a space heater instead of a fireplace, that joke is probably lost on you, but to some of us that is some funny shit.  I may have to add a new category on the blog for "growing up in what became the ghetto."  Good times.

 

Christmas gift idea #7

Most people end up getting some kind of body wash or lotion in their Christmas stocking, it's a nice filler.  I enjoy the Sweet Pea fragrance from Bath and Bodyworks.  This year why not kick it up a notch and add some bling?

Christmas Gift Idea #7: Tajazzle

This product can give one confidence and make one smell, taste, and feel good.  That's what they say anyway. You have to watch a few minutes of this video.  It may be the most important thing you do today.


 

So, I spit coffee out of my mouth around the 3:50 minute mark.  That gave me the confidence to go on with my day.  Thank you Tajazzle!