Archives for July 2017

43 Things I Know for Sure

I turned 43 at 8:39 this morning. It’s a weird age. 42 was good. My favorite number. Say it out loud with an accent. Can you beat that? It’s right up there with the word “plethora,” my favorite word. 

So, I’m being reflective. That’s what old people do.  Here are 43 things I know for sure.

  1. Find what you love and do it. 
  2. Make time for people. 
  3. Learn how to dress your body. No excuses. No “I’ll wear BLANK what I lose 15 lbs/my arms are too fat for sleeveless/I don’t look good in red.” Screw that shit. 
  4. You’re not too old to start something. Like Michael Jackson said, “gonna be startin’ somethin’.”
  5. Don’t tolerate punk-ass bitches. Life is too short for them. 
  6. Have a signature dish. Lasagna, risotto, lettuce wraps, a soufflĂ©. 
  7. If you’re a woman, you can wear red lipstick. I wear it all the time. People who say they can’t wear red lipstick haven’t found the right red. Go to Sephora or Ulta – they will find your perfect red. 
  8. Get in the picture. Don’t just take the friend/family photos – get in there. No excuses. When you’re gone one day your kids will want to remember that vacation and see pics of you. 
  9. Spend money on quality clothes. It’s better to have a small wardrobe of great clothes than tons of junk clothes you’ll have to throw out in a year. 
  10. Use proper grammar when you should. 
  11. Celebrate stuff!
  12. Dogs are great. Get one. My puppy has helped my anxiety. Seriously. 
  13. Raw tomatoes are gross. 
  14. Clean as you cook. I only learned this a few weeks ago. It’s amazing. 
  15. Fruit baskets are the worst. Don’t send them. Send chocolate or nuts. And don’t ever send me an effing Edible Arrangement. I will throw that shit away. 
  16. Have a signature drink if you drink. If you don’t, don’t feel like you owe people an explanation as to why you don’t. 
  17. Teach your kids about the music you love. 
  18. Play an instrument at least once in your life. 
  19. Louisiana is more than New Orleans. 
  20. Don’t be afraid to be different. 
  21. Board games are the worst. 
  22. Tell them you love them. 
  23. Be your own kind of lady (if you’re a lady). You can be a lady and have tattoos or a pink streak in your hair. 
  24. Say what you mean. 
  25. Sonic is the best thing that ever came out of Oklahoma. 
  26. Learn how to make an omelet. 
  27. Martha Stewart is still my favorite. 
  28. Everything is better than “how skinny feels.”
  29. Get the shoes. 
  30. Don’t be afraid to be the bitch. Some ocassions call for it. 
  31. Accept yourself and learn to love yourself. 
  32. Don’t wait for “the right moment.”
  33. The “tiny house movement” is stupid. 
  34. Never be too proud to ask for advice/help. 
  35. There is never a bad time for queso. 
  36. You’re never too old to quote Clueless or Mean Girls or Pretty in Pink. 
  37. Learn how to type properly. 
  38. Don’t dress older than you are. Gawd. 
  39. There is no excuse for not being up to date on current events. You’re not too busy. You’re not paying attention. 
  40. Get the right size bra. It will change your life, Miss Saggy Boobs. 
  41. Don’t let people take advantage of your good nature. 
  42. Learn how to properly wrap a gift.  The presentation is part of the gift. 
  43. Your birthday is not just another day. It’s important. It’s the anniversary of the day you came into this world and you are the only you that God made. Celebrate the heck out of you in whatever way you want because you are a beautiful individual fucking snowflake.