Archives for July 2013

Another Mad Men motto

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Post in place of a real post because I just can’t even.

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Let’s learn about animals: the owl

I’ve been telling you people this for years: owls will eat your face off. Remember, if silence were loudness, they would be the loudest silent hunters in the world. Scary stuff. I warned you.

Extended chorus of “Same Love” – “She Keeps Me Warm”

I love the chorus of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ “Same Love.” Luckily, the singer, Mary Lambert recorded an extended chorus. It’s beautiful.

Random whatever day this is

sweet-and-endearing In the summer my days run together.

I had 7 Peanut M&Ms for lunch. They were delicious. A couple were green, orange, and red which, technically, qualifies them as fruits and/or vegetables.

If you don’t say “Chaka Khan” when the barista asks your name at Starbucks, then you’re basically wasting your life.

Why is it every time I paint nails I suddenly have an itch? Then I have to find whatever the closest thing around to use as an instrument of scratchitude?

Sometimes I’m not bright. Allow me to tell you one instance of my dumbness. I ordered something online and got the FedEx shipping notification that it was coming from Some City, TW. TW – think about that for just a sec. I thought, “what state is TW?” You should know that I am not a geography wiz. TW is the abbreviation for Taiwan. Genius.

Is it weird that I’ve been referring to Kanye and Kim’s baby as Kimye for so long that it’s starting to sound like a normal name?

Is it mean that when a 20 something year-old girl came by this afternoon going door-to-door soliciting for donations for something or other all I could think was “your lisp is distracting me.” I know. I’m a horrible person. But really, I’m a horrible person for lots of reasons. Some of which I’ve said out loud.

One Saturday night I played Scrabble with the hubs. I love Scrabble. The hubs was drinking wine and tried to play “monet” as a word. He also asked me if “by” was a word. “‘By’ without an ‘e’?” is what he said. Have I told you that my husband is very smart?

I’ll be working on an update for “Shrinking Kerry” this weekend. I’ve had all kinds of doctor appointments this week (and another on Monday), so there is stuff to report. I am tired.

Writers and their typewriters

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The king of manliness: Hemingway

39 things I’m pretty sure I’m never going to do now that I’m 39

Usually for my birthday I post a list of Things I Know For Sure for each year I’ve been alive and kicking. This year is different. I may actually know less than 39 things. So, I’ve decided to do a list of 39 Things I’m Pretty Sure I’m Never Going to Do/Be Now That I’m 39.

1. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to be a Solid Gold Dancer.

2. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to learn the harp.

3. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to be an astronaut.

4. I’m pretty sure I am not America’s Next Top Model.

5. I’m pretty sure no one is ever going to invent a clothes-folding machine.

6. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to start smoking.

7. I’m pretty sure Rick Astley is never gonna give me up.

8. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to be taller.

9. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to have a pet unicorn/pegasus.

10. I’m pretty sure I’ll never learn to iron correctly.

11. I’m pretty sure I’ll never know what the secret 11 herbs and spices are.

12. I’m pretty sure I’m not adopted and my real parents are not Mary Poppins and Bert from Mary Poppins.

13. I’m pretty sure I am not going to be famous enough to get my own Ben and Jerry’s flavor.

14. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be queen.

15. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to learn to use my “inside voice.”

16. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be the heavyweight champion of the world.

17. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to see a leprechaun.

18. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to convert to Scientology (sorry, Travolta).

19. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to win the Kentucky Derby.

20. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be one of Tina Turner’s backup singers.

21. I’m pretty sure I’ll never know what Meatloaf was talking about when he said he would do anything for love, but he wouldn’t do that.

22. I’m pretty sure I’m not a Pepper.

23. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to understand algebra.

24. I’m pretty sure I’ll never like raw tomatoes (unless they’re in salsa).

25. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be a guest star on The Love Boat.

26. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to be a Publisher’s Clearinghouse winner.

27. I’m pretty sure I’m not what Willis was talking about.

28. I’m pretty sure I’ll never climb Mt. Everest. I don’t have the shoes for that.

29. I’m pretty sure I’m too old for professional cheerleading.

30. I’m pretty sure my face will never be carved into Mount Rushmore.

31. I’m pretty sure I am not your next American Idol.

32. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to start my own perfume line.

33. I’m pretty sure I will not be a Supreme Court Judge.

34. I’m pretty sure I will never be on COPS.

35. I’m pretty sure I will never win a gold medal in Rhythmic Gymnastics.

36. I’m pretty sure I will never be within earshot of Tom Cruise to yell “show me the money!”

37. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to swim the English Channel.

38. I’m pretty sure I won’t discover a previously unknown dinosaur and have it named after me.

39. I’m pretty sure I’ll never go blond.

new SyFy movie

 

My new favorite movie, Sharknado (which was about tornados with sharks swirling around in them and falling out of the sky to eat people), was on SyFy last night. I cannot recommend it enough. Early this afternoon, SyFy leaked the trailer for its new movie, “Sharkatroomba vs Duck.”

 

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40X40

In 2014, I will be turning the big 4-0! To celebrate, My Nameless Blog (who shares my birthday) and I are developing a bucket list of 40 things we hope to accomplish before our 40th birthday.

Making the list was fun. Completing the list is intimidating. It will be a challenge, but one worth doing, for sure. We got help from outside sources, including the Internets, friends, and even our waitress. I will update frequently.

40 Before 40

Develop Healthy Habits

1. Exercise 40 min 4 times a week
2. Give up alcohol for 40 consecutive days
3. Walk/jog/run a total of 40k
4. Do 40 sit ups (hopefully often)
5. Floss for 40 consecutive days
6. Eat 100% healthy for 40 days
7. Drink 40 oz of water (hopefully daily)
8. Give up sweets for 40 days at Lent
9. “Let go” of things that normally bug me 40 different times

Give to Others

10. Complete 40 hours of volunteer work
11. Send a card to 40 different people for their birthday, a holiday, etc.
12. Donate $40 to charity
13. Get rid of 40 things I no longer need
14. Donate 40 pieces of clothing to the Salvation Army, a women’s shelter, etc.
15. Do 40 random acts of kindness
16. Give 40 compliments
17. Leave a $40 tip to someone who deserves it left it for the waitress who helped us with this list!

Just Because

18. Have a movie marathon of films with “40″ in the title
19. Watch 40 episodes of a TV series
20. Watch the top 40 movies on IMDB
21. Post on my blog for 40 consecutive days
22. Drive 40 miles in one direction and take pictures where I end up.
23. Complete a 40 day blog challenge
24. Go to the zoo or aquarium and take pictures of 40 different animals
25. Write 40 haiku
26. Get 40 people to help complete one of these activities with me

Totally For Fun

27. Receive tweets from 40 different celebrities
28. Drink a 40
29. Start a collection with 40 items
30. Make a necklace with 40 beads
31. Play 40 games of skeeball at Chuck E. Cheese
32. Bid on 40 different items on eBay.

Do Something New

33. Try 40 new recipes
34. Read 40 books
35. Learn how to say “hello” in 40 different languages.
36. Visit 40 new places
37. Learn about 40 important events in history

All For Me

38. Remember to accessorize for 40 days at work
39. Buy something I really don’t need that’s marked 40% off
40. Save $40 a month and use the money to buy myself a gift for my 40th birthday!

What not to say to a friend who has had weight-loss surgery

If you’ve read the Shrinking Kerry page of this here weblog, you know that I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy (The Sleeve) surgery late last year. The Sleeve is a weight-loss surgery. Lately I’ve struggled with the reactions of people around me. I’ve lost 82 pounds in almost 8 months and it’s pretty obvious. Apparently my body and my weight are open for discussion with anyone at any time and unwelcome comments arise often. I thought I’d write a guide of what not to say to friends who have had weight-loss surgery because dammit, someone has to do it. I should add that this wasn’t written specifically for one incident or remark – it’s in regard to what I hear practically every time I leave the house and usually by people I wouldn’t say are close friends. Except for the Target cashier, who said “what did you do? get an organ out or something?”

I realize everyone is not as sensitive as I am and I realize some people are practically unoffendable. I just made up that word. But for most of us, our weight has been a topic we’d rather ignore for as long as we were overweight, so it’s uncomfortable when a friend says:

“Wow. You look soooooo much better/sooooo great!” Thank you, but I didn’t have surgery to look great, not to mention that I thought I looked great before. It’s true. I liked my curves. I wasn’t an overweight girl who hated herself. I had surgery to save my life. I didn’t want to have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and feel tired all the time. I was very unhealthy. This isn’t true for all overweight people, but it was for me. So, I’m glad you think I look great, but it’s deeper than that. I feel great and that’s what I wanted.

“Can you eat that?” I’d rather discuss practically anything than what I can and can’t eat. Really. Anyone want to discuss politics? The Paula Deen scandal? My thoughts on the pajamification of America? Here’s the thing: there are several weight-loss surgeries and everyone’s doctors and nutritionists have different plans. Also, things may sit better with some people than others. So, your cousin may have achieved goal weight and eats whatever she wants, but I may not digest lettuce well. It’s a very individual thing. On the other hand, she may not be able to digest dairy anymore. I can. Goody goody gumdrops for me.

“I hate to eat this in front of you.” Please don’t feel that way. If you’re hungry, eat. If you want to eat a Snickers, eat a Snickers. Really. I’m not judging you and I don’t want to attack you for your candy. I’m fine. I will eat something if I’m hungry.

“You’re getting so skinny!” Again, it’s not about being skinny. It’s about my health. And “skinny” has always been a bad word in my book. AND, I’m not skinny.

“Are you going to have plastic surgery after you’ve lost the weight?” Unless we are VERY close friends, that’s really personal. I wouldn’t ask if you were planning on hairplugs, baldy.

“I’m not going to recognize you the next time I see you!” Yes, you will. I didn’t have a head transplant.

“Keep it up!” This is just weird, and yet, I’ve heard this several times. 85% of my stomach was removed, I really don’t have a choice. But thanks.

“Are you going to try to run a marathon now?” Unless this was a goal prior to losing weight, probably not. Again, everyone is different, but I wasn’t athletic before surgery (unless you count when I went to the finals in intramural badminton in college AND I TOTALLY DO), so I’m not going to suddenly become a runner. I’m also not going to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro or ski or go white water rafting. I prefer the Great Indoors.

“My aunt had that surgery and her whole personality changed.” Yikes. Was it a change for the better or did she leave her loving husband who adored her when she was at her heaviest? Unless it’s positive, I don’t want to hear about it. Some people change. Some people were that awful person on the inside when they were fat, they just were good at hiding it.

“I work with this guy who lost 100 lbs without surgery, it’s so great that he was able to do it on his own.” Yeah, I agree, that is great. I tried every diet out there for 20 years, but I needed something drastic. No amount of will power or Dr. Philisms worked for me. It’s ok, surgery was just a tool, like how South Beach or Weight Watchers is for many people.

“I need to lose weight. I wish I could have surgery.” This almost always comes from someone who is 20-30 lbs overweight. Surgery isn’t for you. Like I said, this is drastic. Trust me, you do not want to have your stomach permanently altered, take supplements, and change your way of eating for the rest of your life just to lose 30 lbs. There are plenty of unpleasant things I’ve had to deal with from having surgery and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone who could lost the weight they need to on a program that didn’t require surgery.

So, that’s what I have to say about that. Tomorrow is my birthday. Stay tuned.