Archives for June 2013

Mad Men birthday party theme

I saw this on Buzzfeed and had to repost. I need to have a Mad Men birthday party.

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“For a fun and unique party game, let the kids show off their bartending chops by playing a round of “Who can make Dad the best cocktail?” Then, have them sit in a circle for a game of “Whose parents have disappointed them the most?” Reward the winner with a gift certificate for five therapy sessions.

“Instead of regular old birthday cake, serve up slices of Oh, That’s Today? cake, made from a partially frozen loaf of Sarah Lee pound cake. As a party favor, hand out candy cigarettes and fun-sized packets of Advil so the kids can nurse their Shirley Temple hangovers the next day.”

separated at birth?

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Oh, come on. You know it’s funny.  And it was 80 pounds ago. You can laugh. I do.

Royal Ascot 2013

As longtime readers know, the Royal Ascot is one of my favorite things in the world. The Royal Ascot is a multi-day horserace in England where people wear the gaudiest, most ridiculous hats you have ever seen. I look forward to this each year and hope to see if for myself one day because OMG crazyass hats.

Let’s go to the photos.

Duchess Drunky de Wheresmywine needs to call a taxi.

Duchess Drunky de Wheresmywine needs to call a taxi.

it is well known that chocolate is not sold at the Royal Ascot, so Countess Hershey brings her own.

it is well known that chocolate is not sold at the Royal Ascot, so Countess Hershey brings her own.

Duchess Pearly Unicorn of Skeletonshire

Duchess Pearly Unicorn of Skeletonshire

Lady Aero de Plane

Lady Aero de Plane

"Darling Frederick, why are you saluting?" "Mummy, you always said to salute the flag." "yes, Darling, that is - oh, never mind."

“Darling Frederick, why are you saluting?”
“Mummy, you always said to salute the flag.”
“yes, Darling, that is – oh, never mind.”

NEVERMORE!

NEVERMORE!

"Yes, Winifred, I do believe Prince Harry is looking." "I can't tell, Imogen, this hat is blocking my view." "Mine is too. It could be that ginger from Harry Potter, I'm not sure."

“Yes, Winifred, I do believe Prince Harry is looking.”
“I can’t tell, Imogen, this hat is blocking my view.”
“Mine is too. It could be that ginger from Harry Potter, I’m not sure.”

Sir Tom Fish-Petty from across the pond. Far across the pond. He swam.

Sir Tom Fish-Petty from across the pond. Far across the pond. He swam.

Lady Foxy Lady

Lady Foxy Lady

Lady Rose Bush-Head of the Steffordshire Bush-Heads.

Lady Rose Bush-Head of the Steffordshire Bush-Heads.

I love a good dessert. not on my head. and not with a Marilyn Monroe impersonator.

I love a good dessert. not on my head. and not with a Marilyn Monroe impersonator.

If I have learned anything, it's to not trust a woman wielding a bunny. Put that bunny in a pot and it's Fatal Attraction time.

If I have learned anything, it’s to not trust a woman wielding a bunny. Put that bunny in a pot and it’s Fatal Attraction time.

If you don't have a hat, get a newspaper and make one. Top it with yellow sunglasses and a granny cardigan and voila! you are the Zooey desChanel of the Royal Ascot.

If you don’t have a hat, get a newspaper and make one. Top it with yellow sunglasses and a granny cardigan and voila! you are the Zooey desChanel of the Royal Ascot.

If you don't have a hat just use your golden umbrella. And put a snail on your arm.

If you don’t have a hat just use your golden umbrella.

or just put a bird on it.

or just put a bird on it.

"Mummy, I want to ride the pony!" "Darling, that's just some old nag with a horse hat."

“Mummy, I want to ride the pony!”
“Darling, that’s just some old nag with a horse hat.”

dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness this thing called Lego Wedding.

dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness this thing called Lego Wedding.

and 9 months after the Lego wedding, the Royal Ascot stork brought the royal baby. on a hat. amen.

and 9 months after the Lego wedding, the Royal Ascot stork brought the royal baby. on a hat. amen.

bottoms up, horse bitches!

bottoms up, horse bitches!

 

Let’s learn about animals: the Mantis

Welcome to the new site

A few months ago I moved the site from Typepad to WordPress, but I didn’t love the graphics. Now I love the theme and here we are. Welcome.

Things Amazon wants me to order

I have no idea why Amazon suggested I buy these items. Apparently, Amazon thinks I’m a lumpy faced Christian Jew who needs to do Kegels.

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a face roller?

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a Kegel machine?

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a Messianic Star of David necklace?

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a talking Moses action figure?

 

Writers and their typewriters

Hunter S. Thompson and his IBM Selectric (the model I first used in typing class in 7th grade).

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The butter of my people

Of course I bought this.

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All the makeup at once

I have insomnia. I decided to do a facial mask that got my skin super clean, then took it off and I was a ghost, so I filled in my brows. Then I tested some Smashbox eye shadow. Then I looked dumb without eyeliner, so I used a liquid. Then I drew hearts with Benefit Posie Tint on my cheeks for blush. Then my eyebrows needed to be pink. Used black liner on my lips in classic Siouxsie fashion, then thought I looked a little too pale, so I painted on lipstick in places other than my lips. Now I can go to bed!

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typewriters & writers

As many of you know, I love typewriters. I also love great writing and authors. I collect typewriters. I also collect words, but words are harder to display.

So, I’m starting a new series, “Typewriters and Writers.”

Here’s William Faulkner.

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