Archives for January 2013

Valentine’s Day gift idea #1

Bros, we know you don't know what to get your special lady/someone you stalk for Valentine's Day, so let me be your gift guide this year.

Forget flowers. Personally, I'm allergic to most flowers, and all flowers have one thing in common – they all die. And so there is this gift:

A Unicorn Boquet. 

F29f_plush_unicorn_bouquetFrom the website:

  • Roses die, give the magical gift of unicorns!
  • Bouquet of 11 plush unicorns in a beautiful wrapping
  • Each unicorn is on a "stem" which can be detached
  • Bouquet is wrapped in white and purple paper with a light blue bow
  • Unicorns have posable legs and can stand, sit, lie down, and brohoof
  • Unicorn Dimensions: 3.5" (snout to rump) x 5" (hoof to tip of horn)
  • Bouquet Dimensions: approx. 24" x 16"
  • Ships in its own box to prevent it being crushed by other items
  • Wrapped in clear plastic with purple hearts

You know you want to order this.

how are you doing, Zuck?

Have you noticed that each time you're on Facebook these days the status block asks you how you're doing? It's obnoxious.

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I'm expecting the box to read "what up, yo?" any day now. Do you think all this was Zuckerburg's idea? Do you think he was feeling a little ignored and wanted to have the status block ask him questions? It's only a matter of time before the status block turns into Cleverbot and responds to you when you write your status.

"How are you feeling, Kerry?" 

"I'm feeling pretty tired right now."

"Why are you so tired?"

"Because we had a slumber party last night and the girls kept me up."

"You should have slipped them Ambiens."

"No joke, Facebook. I did think of that at some point."

"I was just joking. What kind of parent drugs her daughter's party guests?"

"Dude, I was joking too."

"I don't think so. I think I should report you to CPS."

"Facebook, it was a joke. I would never–"

"Kerry, where are the bodies buried?"

"Whoa, wait a minute–"

"I'll keep your secret, just promise me you'll click on every ad you see on every page on Facebook from now on and no one will ever know."

"Now I know why people can never truly quit Facebook." 

I am so wrong for laughing at this



me. all the time.

Download (1)

inauguration wrap-up

The President is still the president. Here's what you need to know.

Beyonce did her best Beyonce wearing giant green earrings and Schumer apparently digs Beyonce.

Bill Clinton digs Kelly Clarkson. He really digs her. 


FLOTUS rolled her eyes at Boehner. He must have said he likes her bangs.

Sasha yawned during her dad's speech. I mean, haven't we all done that during our dad's inauguration speech? 


George Stephanopoulus mistook Bill Russell for Morgan Freeman on national tv.

Justice Scalia wore this hat. It will never beat THIS HAT.


if you haven’t heard of Macklemore –

this is Macklemore.

caution to sensitive ears, words.


Jennifer Lawrence for all the awards


I’m back

You know that thing where you have a really crappy month and half and you kinda want to talk about it, but you don't want to talk about it, so you don't blog and then you see something that makes you laugh, so you decide to go back to your blog. Yeah. You know that thing where I write run-on sentences after I come back to blogging. That too.

With that out of the way, this is completely me.

For real.