Archives for July 2012

all about the 90s challenge

Tales of Hilarious and I are doing another blog challenge. This time it's  All About the 90s and boy, this will be good times. It starts tomorrow. Meet y'all back here then.

Day 1 – Favorite song?
Day 2 – Least favorite song?
Day 3 – Favorite music video?
Day 4 – Favorite Gin Blossoms song?
Day 5 – Favorite TLC song?
Day 6 – Favorite one hit wonder?
Day 7 – ‘N Sync or Backstreet Boys?
Day 8 – Boyz II Men or Bell Biv DeVoe?
Day 9 – Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?

Day 10 – MTV or VH1?
Day 11 – Favorite television show?
Day 12 – Favorite cartoon?
Day 13 – Least favorite television show?
Day 14 – Least favorite cartoon?
Day 15 – Favorite television show theme song?
Day 16 – Beverly Hills 90210 or Melrose Place?
Day 17 – Ally McBeal or The Practice?

Day 18 – Favorite movie?
Day 19 – Least favorite movie?
Day 20 – Favorite movie soundtrack?
Day 21 – Favorite movie montage?
Day 22 – Titanic Tribute?
Day 23 – Favorite Kevin Smith movie?
Day 24 – Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon?
Day 25 – Reality Bites or Singles?

Day 26 – Favorite stupid trend?
Day 27 – Favorite 90s headline?
Day 28 – Favorite clothing brand?
Day 29 – Favorite foot fashion?
Day 30 – Scrunchies!
Day 31 – Anything else about the 90s?

 

random weekendness

My son just asked what a blog post was. I told him I write stories on the Internet (because he wouldn't understand "I write my disconnected thoughts for strangers to read and post pictures of things I think are funny). 

I'm watching Whatever Happened to Baby Jane because I love old movies and because I watched a few episodes of Monster Quest today and dammit if they're never going to find a monster on that show. I mean, how hard could it be to find an aquatic dinosaur in a Scottish lake? Also – Sasquatch. If you ask enough people, someone you know will know someone who claims to have seen Bigfoot and everyone has a phone with a camera, but there are no decent photos of him. 

Props if you remember the X-Files episode where they found a family of Sasquatches. 

Man, I love Joan Crawford. 

My son was not impressed when I told him Primary Colors was about politics and not colors, but he still wants to watch it in a few minutes. I don't think John Travolta as NOT Bill Clinton will intrigue a 7 year-old. 

Did y'all watch the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics? I've never done drugs, but I bet drug trips are like the Opening Ceremonies. Did you see the 30 Mary Poppins? I am a huge Mary Poppins fan. Cruella DeVille was also there. I like to think of myself as mostly Mary Poppins, part Glinda the Good Witch, with a little Cruella DeVille. 

If you really think about it, Glinda was really a bitch in the Wizard of Oz. At the end she tells Dorothy she had the power to go home the whole time, but made her go through all these trials and almost get killed – for what? She didn't even get to keep the damn shoes.

My husband is at a Neil Diamond concert tonight. I would write a joke, but oh – I already did. 

He really is seeing Neil Diamond. He also asked if Carole King was in the Carpenters. THE CARPENTERS.

There were countries in the Opening Ceremonies that I had never heard of. I blame this on never having taken Geography and the fact that some of the countries were made up. Benin. Kiribati. Lesotho. Tuvalu. Oh, and then there is the Independent Olympic Athletes. Those athletes are Dutch and Sudanese. 4 people. They got their own flag. For 4 people.

 

 

wish me luck

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books on Amazon

As I often do, I was perusing Amazon.com last night. This time, looking for a book for my husband's birthday. I found a couple of books for him and then I saw this book on The Daily What:

Girl, get that
I posted it on my Facebook, then went back to the book's page on Amazon and clicked a few of "People Who Bought This Also Bought This" suggestions.

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That is one sad looking bunny. Oh, then I found this helpful title:

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How is this book not a series? How Not to Kill Your Boss. How Not to Kill Your Pre-Teen. How Not to Kill Your Husband. How Not to Kill Authors of Dumb Books.

Again, I clicked on a suggested title.

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I'm getting this for all of my friends for Christmas. And my grandfather. And my mom. And I'll keep a few copies in my car to give out to uptight white folk at the bank when I'm taking to long in the drive-thru.

Guess what I found next.

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Of course! If you understand rap lyrics the next step is becoming cool! Apparently being awesome in the 80s was to look like Ricky Shroeder post-Silver Spoons.

If you don't succeed at being awesome, you could always get this book.

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I never knew there was a how-to guide. This is handy. And there are photos. Thank goodness.

you don’t say

Saw this sign in St. Martinville, LA today.

you don't say

instructions

In scrapbooking we use a product called Zots that is a super sticky round adhesive to bond different elements to a page. Notice it says “do not touch with fingers.”

instructions

random nighttimeness

Hello gentle readers from all over the globe (shout out to that person in Taipei, Taiwan who googled "pole dance porn" and landed here – surprise, no porn). I'm going to be out of town for a few days, but have been assured there will be wi-fi, so hopefully I'll get bloggy with it.

 

Until then, some randomeness.

When I got my new driver's license last week, I totally screwed up a line on the eye chart and the DMV lady said, "try closing one eye and read it," so I did. I obviously still got it wrong and she said, "uh, that's good enough." She didn't even ask me to put on my glasses, she just gave it to me. This is why we have people on the roads who can't see. Do you really want people closing one eye to see the road to drive? 

For some reason I cannot say "no" to people and tell telemarketers to call back when I know I will not be home. 

I went to the car wash with a coffee shop today and heard a 20-something girl say "I hate non-fictional movies." 

Why can't you drive-thru somewhere and get toilet paper? Can someone open a general store by my house with a drive-thru? 

The coffee shop guy didn't put the lid all the way on my iced coffee and it spilled all over my shirt. When I got home I realized I had worn my camisole inside out all day.

"Man in the Mirror" has haunted me this week. It was in one of my dreams. It was on in the coffee shop. Twice it has been a song in a game on Song Pop. 

Do you play Song Pop? It's like Name That Tune. I've concluded that I do not know any part of the song "Stairway to Heaven" unless it's the part that says the title. I am not a Zepplin fan. Shocking, I know.

Today my nail tech said, "how was Florida? You're not tan" to me. I am a freckly white woman who does not tan. Was I supposed to come back the shade of Beyonce?

When I watched the Beauty and the Beast show at Disney World, I was singing the ghetto version the whole time in my head. Hey LaWasha, hey LaDrya.

I bought two gallons of frozen margaritas for the weekend because I believe it's important for my friends and me to stay hydrated while scrapbooking. 

CMT (which stands for some kind of Country MTV) will soon be debuting a show called REDNECK INTERVENTION. Yes, you read that correctly. Each week a former redneck is confronted by friends and family members that believe he or she should return to their country roots, in this one-hour, eight-episode reality series. I am not making this up.

I have taken my Ambien for the night and better sign off before I stop making sense, as if this thing ever made sense in the first place. Something about unicorns. Zzzz.

hello, Mr. Sterling

It's going to be a great week. To start off the week, I thought we could all use a picture of a young John Slattery, that's Mr. Roger Sterling to those of you who know your Mad Men.

John slattery

I may save the photo for all my contacts on my iphone. 

50 shades

A lot of people are talking about 50 Shades of Grey, so I thought I'd comment on it.

Fifty

Martha Stewart got a new kitten

Screen Shot 2012-07-11 at 10.05.03 PM

I took this screen shot from Martha's blog. Yes, she is biting the kitten's face. No, I don't know what flavor it is.