Archives for May 2012

all about the 80s challenge

Y'all, Tales of Hilarious and moi are in a challenge mood. This time it's the 80s. I know – can you stand it? Do you remember the 80s? Get ready, starting tomorrow.

Day 1 – Favorite song?

Day 2 – Least favorite song?

Day 3 – Favorite music video?

Day 4 – Favorite Michael Jackson song?

Day 5 – Favorite Cyndi Lauper song?

Day 6 – Favorite Prince song?

Day 7 – Duran Duran or Hall & Oates?

Day 8 – Debbie Gibson or Tiffany?

Day 9 – MTV or VH1?

Day 10 – Favorite television show?

Day 11 – Favorite cartoon?

Day 12 – Least favorite television show?

Day 13 – Least favorite cartoon?

Day 14 – Favorite television show theme song?

Day 15 – Family Ties or Growing Pains?

Day 16 – Facts of Life or Silver Spoons?

Day 17 – Favorite movie?

Day 18 – Least favorite movie?

Day 19 – Favorite movie soundtrack?

Day 20 – Favorite movie montage?

Day 21 – The Goonies or Gremlins

Day 22 – Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles

Day 23 – Favorite cereal?

Day 24 – Favorite toy?

Day 25 – Favorite board game?

Day 26 – Favorite Atari game?

Day 27 – Favorite clothing brand?

Day 28 – Favorite foot fashion?

Day 29 – Swatch watch!

Day 30 – Anything else about the 80s?


on how I was introduced to Motown by Kentucky Fried Chicken

I know what you're saying.

Yes, it is.

In 1988, KFC released a 3 volume set of cassette tapes called The Motown Showcase Special Collection. It was the 80s, KFC was still Kentucky Fried Chicken, and no one had heard of Rodney King yet. And in case you're not from The South, it was still The South, and KFC could get away with putting out a promotional item that smelled of chicken and racism. 



for realz.


I told you it was KFC. I Googled the tapes and could find no info on how this promotional collection came to be. Gee, I wonder why. I have a feeling somebody at KFC headquarters said, "you know what people who enjoy fried chicken like? Motown." Okay, maybe it didn't happen that way, but YOU KNOW IT DID. And you can still get the tapes on Ebay. They exist. I recall transferring my volumes onto blank mixtapes and titling it "JUST MOTOWN." Yes, I did because that's how I rolled with my Emerson fake Walk-Man because I was too poor for Sony. 

They coudn't re-release the collection today. After the Mary J. Blige/Burger Kind racist ad, people need to be able to eat their chicken and listen to Motown without feeling like the KKK Grand Wizard. Honestly, I've never understood the link between fried chicken and African Americans. Fried chicken is universally delicious, no matter your race, religion, or status. Some type of fried chicken is served in almost all corners of the globe, including Japan, China, and Korea – so what makes it sterotypical African American food? In the days of slavery, fried chicken was made in both the plantation kitchen and in slave quarters, so why isn't the stereotype a fat white guy eating it? Still, ask anyone – they would tell you this KFC collection is racist.



mmm…smell that crispy Motown sound!


I'm not sure who gave me the tapes. I was a music snob from early on and it took me awhile to put the KFC tapes on. I mean, they said Kentucky Fried Chicken on them and I knew that was all kinds of wrong. Then I succombed and played the tapes. My mom had played The Supremes and Little Anthony and the Imperials when I was little, but the KFC collection blew me away. I loved what I discovered on those tapes. Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, Jimmy Ruffins, Rare Earth, the Miracles, Edwin Star, and omigosh – Jr. Walker. 

"Shotgun" is still one of my favorite songs. How can you not love a song that starts with a shotgun blast and "I said shotgun. Shoot 'em 'fore he runs now"? The song is about getting a shotgun and going to listen and dance to the blues. 


The KFC Motown collection was the jumping off point that got me interested in Aretha Franklin,  Dusty Springfield, and later, Amy Winehouse, Adele, and Sharon Jones. AND OTIS. Go listen to some Otis Redding right now. I'll wait. I'm only going to briefly mention that Bruce Willis was on the Motown label in the 80s. The first cuts off the collection are your basic Supremes and Temptations, baby steps toward the later Motown full sound with horns and backbeat. It says volumes that artists today are still trying to replicate that sound. I love it. 


day 4, capping that

Another caption for the photo of me from the Bocephus concert. Did I mention 38 Special opened for him? You know, the "Hold on Loosely" people. Not a big fan.

day 4, capping that

day 3, capping that

Again, another random caption from I'd Cap That slapped on the pic of me from the Hank Williams Jr. concert. I love the Zoolander caption.

day 3, capping that

no service

No service. This is what my phone says half the time I'm in my house. I am sitting on the sofa in my living room in our big subdivision, not in a boat in the swamp.

no service

day 2, capping that

day 2, capping that

I’d cap that

Dr. Professor Hiljary told me about a new app that puts random stupid captions on your iPhone photos. So, I had to get it. And I had to try it several times with the same photo (me wearing noise-canceling earbuds at the Hank Williams Jr concert). I will post a different caption each day this week. You're welcome.

I'd cap that

shut up – prince charles in charge

OMG. What is this? I don't even.


DJ Fresh Prince of Wales

seen on I'm With Kanye

some random stuff

My children started their summer break an hour ago. The six year-old has asked me what he can do three times already. He just asked me what we were going to do tomorrow. For real.

I need a nap. Just watching the boy makes me exhausted.

If you've never yelled "get away from my bagel, that's not a donut!" then you're not me.

Last night I dreamt one of my facebook friends was committed to crazy hospital. Actually, she's a friend of some of my friends – not even my friend. I vaguely remember her from back in the day, but not really. Anyway, in my dream, chick was on the news for doing something crazy and was committed. I think she was an arsonist. 

So, my new movie idea is about a clairvoyant woman who dreams these visions of people on Facebook and maybe solves crimes, but just calls in the information to the cops because she's agoraphobic and would never actually go to a crime scene. But then again, she wouldn't need to go to the crime scenes because she's already dreamed the whole thing. The best part of the show would be seeing the Facebook profile pics of peeople.

Because I'm a horrible person, I accidentally told the oldest child that the Tooth Fairy doesn't exist. She already didn't believe in the Easter Bunny, so I thought she had figured out the Tooth Fairy already. She found a baby tooth in my jewelry box (where are parents supposed to put the teeth?) and asked me what it was doing there. Then I stupidly said, "oh, you know the Tooth Fairy isn't real." She looked at me like I shot her cat. Which for the record, I didn't shoot the cat – I just put it outside after it jumped out and bit Katie when she was three. It wasn't there when I went to let it back in and you can't just go out and buy a replacement cat – they're not like goldfish.

The middle child asked if we were eating as a family tonight. As opposed to what? a pack of wolves? a pride of lions? a flock of seagulls? a murder of crows? 

I could have gone on for a full post of what bunches of different animals are called. I am the best Trivial Pursuit partner in the world.

This evening, while making dinner, I wrote a song in my head about tacos to the the tune of "Your Song" by Elton John. Just keep in mind that's the kind of stuff that I think of and most likely the reason I can't do math. And you can tell everybody that these are your tacos…the recipe's quite simple, but now that they're done…I hope you don't mind – I hope you don't mind – that I didn't make more…but that's all that they had when I was in the store. I AM SO GETTING A GRAMMY.


why no one likes Carol

Dammit, Carol.

see on Mlkshk.