random randomness (oh, good grief edition)

My dad just told me a story about his girlfriend (they're not talking, so maybe she's the ex-girlfriend). He said the girlfriend went to my grandmother's house to bring her a birthday card, but because of her hearing, she didn't anwer the door. Later on, my grandmother found a ("deleted," not "belated") birthday card, two bananas, and a Rice Crispies treat on the floor under the mail slot. Nothing says Happy Belated Birthday like bananas and Rice Crispy treats.

I hate gladiator sandals.

Did you know jelly donut bread pudding existed? It does. It can bring peace to the Middle East.

My dad also says "lady dentist," as in his dentist is a woman.

There should be a warning on Ambien that says "do not text, do not use Facebook while taking this." I'm just going to leave that statement right there. 

I'm uncomfortable with Dr. Seuss movies. There. I said it. 

When I walked into Walgreens the other day, the clerk yelled "summer's here!" I'm not sure if she talking about me or to me, but Walgreens is not my summer shopping destination AND it's March. 

So, I saw a video of drag queens singing about Chick-Fil-A to the tune of Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" and they sang "someday somebody gonna make you wanna gobble up a waffle fry" and I laughed so hard I almost passed out. I'm not posting the video here because of the hundred of Google searches for "gay men hot pants" that land on my blog.

Someone also Googled "bbw vagina" and landed here. Which brings me to my next point: what is wrong with people? I mean, damn. 

You know in the sidebar on Facebook where it shows people to subscribe to? Today they were all drag queens, Mark Zuckerberg, and Tim Tebow.  

Mommie Dearest is on and I'm choosing not to watch it even though it is Joan Crawford's birthday. 

Let's have a moment of silence in memory of Joan.

Amen.

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