The boy child got this little thing as a prize at his Easter, I mean, “spring” party at school today. I’m really good at it. I’m thinking about going pro.
Archives for March 2012
Do y'all tip the pizza man more if you think you look horrible because you're just getting over the evil stomach virus? Just asking.
My lap desk has a crack in it, so I was looking for lap desks on Amazon. One says it's portable. Imagine that! A portable lap desk!
I love it when I'm invited to a trunk show for a designer who doesn't make clothes in my size (or anywhere close).
Have you heard of Jukebox the Ghost? If not, download some of their stuff right now. Go. I'll wait.
One of my favorite bloggers has an illustration on her blog right now of a fat girl that says "big girls donut cry." That's awesome. And hilarious.
The other night I dreamed that the car I was driving didn't have brakes. It had a button that said "seriously?!" on the steering column. I'm calling Chrysler to get that implemented. Seriously.
Last night I was all "I wonder why Robert Palmer hasn't put out an album in a long time," so I went to the google machine and looked it up. Dude, he died in 2003. No one told me. I was living in Canandaland then and you know there's a news delay up there because of the snow. BUT NO ONE TOLD ME. I'm mad at my friends. Robert Palmer was hella sexy. It was the suit. He could wear the hell out of a suit. THE HELL OUT OF IT.
This whole Robert Palmer thing has me all wound up.
I may change my ringtone to "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On."
Kanye West is my favorite thing to draw on Draw Something because I draw Taylor Swift with the words "I'mma let you finish." I don't care if you're not supposed to use words.
Maybe I should change my ringtone to "Some Like it Hot."
Do y'all remember the song "Horny Pony" by Prince? It was the early 90s. I'm not putting the mp3 on the blog because it's dirty. Okay, it's dirtier than I would put on the blog because as the girl in the song says, "I can't do that, I'm a lady." And you'd have to look pretty hard to find it online because Prince hates the Internet. Also, he says "chicken grease in the house." Someone gave me that song as a Christmas gift in 1991. That tangent was brought to you by a friend who asked me about songs that came out in 1991 (not that she knew the song, it's where my brain went).
Also, in 1991, Robert Palmer sang "Mercy Mercy Me/I Want You" which is fantastic and doesn't mention chicken grease at all.
I'm thinking it's pedicure day tomorrow.
What do y'all think about a blog challenge for April?
I'm sleepy. goodnight.
Prof. Dr. Hiljary asked my opinion on what hairstyle she should go with next. I decided we needed to do virtual makeovers on the Cosmo site.
Here I am as different people.
Heidi Klum is not my look.
I am so not a Kardashian. I look like a witch. Yikes. I might put a spell on someone.
Taylor Swift again. My features are too big for her face.
I look okay as Ashlee Simpson. Not really. I look pissed off.
I am Beyonce! Or the Lion from the Wizard of Oz, you pick.
My dad just told me a story about his girlfriend (they're not talking, so maybe she's the ex-girlfriend). He said the girlfriend went to my grandmother's house to bring her a birthday card, but because of her hearing, she didn't anwer the door. Later on, my grandmother found a ("deleted," not "belated") birthday card, two bananas, and a Rice Crispies treat on the floor under the mail slot. Nothing says Happy Belated Birthday like bananas and Rice Crispy treats.
I hate gladiator sandals.
Did you know jelly donut bread pudding existed? It does. It can bring peace to the Middle East.
My dad also says "lady dentist," as in his dentist is a woman.
There should be a warning on Ambien that says "do not text, do not use Facebook while taking this." I'm just going to leave that statement right there.
I'm uncomfortable with Dr. Seuss movies. There. I said it.
When I walked into Walgreens the other day, the clerk yelled "summer's here!" I'm not sure if she talking about me or to me, but Walgreens is not my summer shopping destination AND it's March.
So, I saw a video of drag queens singing about Chick-Fil-A to the tune of Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" and they sang "someday somebody gonna make you wanna gobble up a waffle fry" and I laughed so hard I almost passed out. I'm not posting the video here because of the hundred of Google searches for "gay men hot pants" that land on my blog.
Someone also Googled "bbw vagina" and landed here. Which brings me to my next point: what is wrong with people? I mean, damn.
You know in the sidebar on Facebook where it shows people to subscribe to? Today they were all drag queens, Mark Zuckerberg, and Tim Tebow.
Mommie Dearest is on and I'm choosing not to watch it even though it is Joan Crawford's birthday.
Let's have a moment of silence in memory of Joan.