have yourself a merry little random post

The other night I dreamed I was on the Today Show doing a cooking segment and they asked me to stay for the next segment. The next segment was with a real lion. The lion wanted to eat me because I smelled like food from the cooking segment.

Have you ever woken up with Neil Diamond's "Turn on Your Heart Light" in my head, but with Bob Dylan's voice. It's better that way.

Sonic now has eggnog shakes.

Yesterday I went to lunch with a good friend. While we were laughing about something my hubs did, another friend of mine tapped on the window we were seated by. She was sitting two feet away from me on the other side of the glass having lunch on the patio. We tried to talk for a minute throught the glass, like visiting prison, but without the phone. Full disclosure: I have never visited anyone in prison, but it's not because I haven't had the opportunity. 

I still have not bought a tablecloth. I almost bought a tablecloth yesterday, but I was distracted by a man in Target pretending to be deaf, soliciting donations. Fortunately, I know fake sign language. If you're going to do fake sign language, don't look like you're Voguing. It's sign language, not a Madonna video. 

I'm pretty sure my hair is looking a little cocker spaniel-ish right now.

The hubs told me I need to make a Christmas list and I can't put things like World Peace and for all the children of the world to hold hands together and sing. 

Once again, none of you jerks nominated me for a CNN Heroes award. 

Have I told y'all lately how much I love Kaluha?

If you've never answered your children with "because science!" when they've asked you a question, then you're not parenting right. 

Also, if you've fallen prey to the Elf on the Shelf scam of buying an elf doll and telling your kids the elf is telling Santa stuff, then let me introduce you to the no-fail system of telling your children you have Santa's cell number and will call him yourself. Your children will believe you.

I think I'll tell the hubs I want a Lexus for Christmas with one of those giant bows on it like in the commercials. Do you think there is a giant bow factory? Do you think Lexus outsources that? I bet they outsource it to some country that doesn't even celebrate Christmas and the workers are like "what the hell? an order for three thousand giant red bows?!" Do you think they make an extra giant blue bow in case anyone gets a Lexus for Hannukah? Let's hear it for Hannukah Lexuses. Lexi? 

At the elementary school on Monday, I overheard a dad sitting behind me at the Christmas program tell his wife that the music teacher looked like a guy from Harry Potter, then he said "and John Cusack." Because I can't help myself, I turned around and said "he doesn't look like Cusack, he looks like Alan Rickman." OH YES I DID. And guess what? I don't care.




  1. And there’s the next name for your next rock band…The Hannukah Lexi!

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