in which I rant about horse movies

 

Every time I see this trailer for War Horse, I think they're saying War Whores, which would be the best movie of all time. I'm telling you, I've started the rough draft of my screenplay, War Whores, and it's going to win every award that has a carpet. 

Why does Hollywood keep making horse movies? In the past 10 or 15 years, there have been a plethora of horse movies because everyone loves horses, I guess. I'm allergic to them, so I couldn't care less.

First there was The Horse Whisperer, where Robert Redford whispers to horses. That was more boring that the conversations that go on during a gynecological exam. In fact, I'm writing that script too. Then there was Seabiscuit, where Spiderman was a jockey and The Dude was someone else who wasn't the jockey because he was too tall. Then there was Secretariat (Seabiscuit 2) with Freaking John Malkovich because people can't get enough of horse movies with people that resemble horses. Next Hillary Swank and Sarah Jessica Parker will star in My Little Pony: The Movie as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. 

And the horse in War Horse is named Joey, which is a name for a kangaroo. Everyone knows that. You know who's playing the horse? Some horse. Like you would know who the horse was. You know who's directing it? Steven Freaking Spielberg. Really. Guess he likes horses. I blame him that I keep thinking they're saying War Whores in the trailer. 

Nevermind, I may ask him to direct my screenplay.

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