Be honest. Do these glasses make my nose look big?
Archives for July 2011
It's that time of year — Project Runway season premier time. Let's hope this season erases the sadness that was Gretchen beating Mondo in season 8. Let's have a collective sigh, shall we? SIGH. That feels better. I've missed Michael "she looks like a paper brioche" Kors, Nina "it's just not flattering" Garcia, Heidi "you took us backward and not in a good way" Klum, and Tim "it's looking very happy hands at home granny circle" Gunn.
What do we know about the designers? We have a guy named Gunnar Deatherage. I'm changing my name to "Killa Madguns." We have a guy with one testicle and who also happens to be colorblind. Yeah. We have a former Miss Universe chick (who is rumored to have a sex tape) who makes rompers. We have a chick who said she liked the "dirty carnival look." We have an older male designer who once worked for Halston (gasp). We have a Mormon who said he wants to find the right girl and settle down — not something you hear much on PR. We have a fun chick named Becky who grew up in what she described as a cult. This season they're starting with 20 designers. That's a lot. There is no way I'll pick up all their names tonight, so as usual (much like in real life), I will give them nicknames. It should be fun.
8:00 — We have Heidi! Oh man, first they're going to get rid of 4 of them. That's just mean to bring them to New York just to send them home.
8:02 — I like Kimberly, who makes things with ruffles.
8:03 — Heidi is trying on a cape. She thinks she's super Heidi. It's always about Heidi.
8:04 — Miss Trinidad learned how to sew 4 months ago. Tim said it's masterful sewing and that she's handicapped. Chick has weird hair. I don't love her.
8:05 — Heidi said "I love the boob window" about a jacket Blond Asian made.
8:06 — Mormon Josh is a former banker. Wow.
8:06 — Do not like Barbie.
8:08 — Fillene made a dress of feathers. Oh dear.
8:08 — I don't think Mousy Danielle will make the cut.
8:09 — I'm calling the last guy George Michael. He is clearly channeling him.
8:10 — Southern Prince said he and Nina were clearly talking sex with their eyes. Interesting.
8:11 — Pappaw Halston would make a great contestant. I don't know if Heidi likes him.
8:12 — One Ball is the colorblind boy who lost one testicle to cancer. He says he "rocks one now."
8:14 — Commercial. Who do we think is out? I'm going with Mousy Danielle for sure. Not sure about who else because there are so many.
8:19 — Lawd. the Lifetime commercials are BAD.
8:20 — Shut up. Mousy Danielle is in. I give up. I can't call crap.
8:21 — David, who I didn't bother to nickname is out. Not a good sign when I don't nickname you. Oh no! Gunnar Deatherage is out! Mormon Josh is in. Pappaw Halston is in! You go, Pappaw!
8:25 — the remaining designers are moving into the Atlas apartment. Love it. Mormon Josh said he will never be the same. I hope he comes out on this show. Barbie said that people call her Barbie. How did I guess that? I'm so clairvoyant.
8:26 — Tim is waking the designers up in the middle of the night. They have to bring one sheet from their bed to Parson's. They are in their pjs — JUST LIKE ME!
8:29 — they have to make an outfit out of the sheet and what they're wearing. Fillene is using the "puking clown" from her pjs on her outfit. Barbie was of course wearing satin and lace. And they're working.
8:31 — Miss Trinidad said she's teaching herself as she's going along. That isn't good. I don't know about this one.
8:33 — this commercial for the show with the sexy detective is gross. It's about her family and daddy issuses and all, but then they show her half nekkid in bed with men, saying "it was just sex." Then she's saying "you know much I wanna be a detective!" to her dad. Pretty girl has so many problems. It's hard to be pretty and sexy and a detective all at the same time. Just ask Cagney and Lacey.
8:38 — all the designers are wearing scrubs. It's weird. So not fashion.
8:39 — Miss Trinidad is making pants, says she's never made a pair of pants. Oh boy. On Ball is making something with feathers. Fillene made a dress with the sheet and her yoga pants. Love that. Mormon Josh is making something with a hoodie. Pappaw Halston made a dress with his boxers and the sheet. He's my kind of guy. Rafael has a head wrap on. I want to bring back turbans. I've asked this before, but how old do I have to be to wear a turban. Tim Gunn said (Southern Prince)Rafael's most interesting piece was his head wrap, but Raffy doesn't want to use it b/c his hair is a hot mess. Oh, Raffy, it's like we were seperated at birth.
8:43 — in a L'Oreal commercial, Andie McDowell just said "smooth is the new young." I say plump is the new thin.
8:45 — no, I don't know why I feel the need to blog the commercials. I have a problem.
8:46 — btw, they need to stop showing trailers for The Help, b/c I have the book on my iPad and I'm saving it to read on the beach.
8:48 — Raffy asked his model what her sign was. I can see why that would be the first question he'd ask. OMG. Barbie just asked Blond Asian if he was "speaking foreign." THAT'S RACIST!
8:51 — they're going to the runway, people.
8:54 — apparently this show is on until 9:30. You'd think a real blogger would have figured that out before now. I SO hope Michael Kors calls something "insane in the crotch" or something equally nuts.
8:59 — Christina Ricci is a guest judge. I guess because she's so fashionable.
9:00 — George Michael's outfit is meh. Mousy Danielle made shorts and someone said they want to steal her model. Viktor with a K made a black and white dress. REally love Becky's dress. Bryce made a dress that looks like Renaissance Faire goes a-go-go. Julie's outfit is horrid. Blond Asian made a black and gray suit. Blah. One Ball said he's thinking "no ass cheek, no ass cheek" as his model walked. I think that often. Except for the barfing clown, I love Fillene's dress. I'm spelling her name like that b/c of Bambi's girlfriend, Fillene. Yes, the deer. Moron Josh's outfit is meh. The shorts look like they have fit issues.
9:06 — So, people are in and out. I'm not sure who is in the top, but I can't wait for the judging.
9:08 — You couldn't pay me to eat Activia.
9:09 — Sweet mother of TMI, it's a Benefiber commercial! Do all the women on Lifetime have consitpation? What the hell?
9:11 — My, the Duchess Kors is orange tonight. They like One Ball's outfit. Raffy's top look like it has mermaid scales. Kors said it looks like a Flintstone Disco Pouch. Julie says she was referencing a snowpant. B/c that's fashion? NO. The judges do not like. Terrible. She needs to go home. Miss Trinidad made two pieces that really don't go together, but no one is saying it. They love the butt on the pants! I mean love. Pappaw Halston's dress is supercute. I would wear that if I were a size 2. Which, if you haven't met me in real life, that's exactly what I am. The judges love the dress, but hate the styling. That's fair. Mormon Josh admits that the shorts have fit issues. OOOO – Heidi said she doesn't know if his or Raffy's is worse. Not good, Mormon Josh. He may be going home. Nina is not pleased. Raffy is SO Southern Prince.
9:18 — ugh — they just showed Raffy's outfit again. It's so bad. Bad-bad, not good-bad. So, it's either Raffy, Mormon Josh, or Julie going home. I'm calling Pappaw Halston for the win. Or One Ball, whose name is really Anthony and is from Baton Rouge.
9:27 — I'm so good. Pappaw Halston won. Oh dear, he said he thought he was going to have a stroke on the runway. Don't scare us, pappaw.
9:28 — of course Miss Trinidad and One Ball Anthony are in. Julie is in. Mormon Josh is in. He tells the judges they won't regret it. That means Heidi will say auf weidersen to Raffy. It's okay, Raffy has a line in Atlanta stores. Tim is coming in for hugs. The rest of the gang say goodbye.
9:31 — PREVIEWS! They showed Tim running on a track. Lots of cyring. Lots of arguing between Pappaw Halston and One Ball Anthony. This is going to be good, y'all.
The latest OK Go video kinda creeps me out because I think men in spandex is creep city, but I do like kaleidoscopes, so here it is.
I've been thinking of alternate taglines for this blog. The current tagline is "Kerry's Little Blog." Some of the ones I've thought of are more fitting.
- Finding new ways to injure herself for three decades
- Specializing in drivel
- Probably has more hair products than a salon
- Knows more trivia than Alex Trebek
- Thinks, therefore she can't sleep
- Thinking of stupid junk so you don't have to
- Blogging in pajamas since 2002
- Dances like a Peanuts character
- This blog sponsored by butter toffee coffee
- Now with less scrapbooking, more lagniappe
- Never said this would make sense
- The Russians dig it
- This blog sponsored by insomnia
- Behold the sarcasm
- Sometimes has a point
- Read at your own risk
- Embarassing stories almost daily
- How many peeps can I offend today?
- Proud college drop-out
- First person in her family to successfully turn on a computer
- Hurdling toward mediocrity
- Smells like 30-teen spirit
- A divider, not a uniter
- Crazy spoken here
- Came in 2nd place in college intramural badminton and horseshoes, just like Sporty Spice
- Like you, only better
- Never met a carb she didn't like
- Amusing herself since 1974
- Fair and not-so balanced
- This blog sponsored by Kahloua
- She's not even trying anymore
- Oprah's favorite blog (if she knew who I was)
- Killing literature one post at a time
My hubs is watching boxing on hbo. It’s super light-weight. One guy weighs 140. That’s my goal weight. I weighed more than that when I was a junior in high school. The guy in the black shorts with has “Godspeed” on the back of his shorts and his entourage carried in 5 winning belts. The guy in the green shorts only had one belt. The guy in black shorts has no eyebrows. That’s not right. But he does have gold fringe on his shoes. I’m going to find shoes with fringe on Zappos. I don’t know who is winning. My head hurts. Why are people blowing air horns at a boxing match? Boxing is stupid. Unless it’s Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson will bite your ear off, so he gets props. I can’t take anymore of this. I’m out. I predict someone will win and someone will lose, they will be bloody, and someone will go home with a new shiny belt. The end.
Y'all know I love the Beastie Boys. I also love the Muppets. As I told a friend recently, I have a lot in common with Miss Piggy. Anypuppet, here's Grover, Oscar, and Cookie Monster doing "Sure Shot." This is why Al Gore invented the interwebs.
My girls are at camp this week from 8am – 5pm. This means the boy and I are hanging out. This means he is asking me roughly 9 million questions per day. We just had an argument about whether or not wii is a video game or not.
I told the boy I'm better a board games. He looked at me like I told him I just got back from playing polo with Prince Harry. You know, because he doesn't know polo or Prince Harry.
I could have been a hand model when I was younger.
Or a hair model in Pantene commercials. When I used to use Pantene.
I'm considering changing shampoos. I know this is earth-shattering and you'll be waiting at the edge of your internet. I won't be surprised if a news crew shows up. I went back to Biolage curly hair styling stuff recently. Again, this is majah news. Biolage smells divine.
Have you seen the Food Network Show Chopped? It's maybe my favorite thing on tv right now. Chefs compete for $10,000 by cooking things out of prepared baskets with weird ingredients. One of the ingredients was "duck white liver." Guess what. It wasn't really liver.
Prof. Dr. Hilljary told me she still has my Christmas gift. It was a calendar.
I'm getting sleepy.
Today I read that Dr. McSteamy from Grey's checked into rehab for pain killer addiction. I gotta admit, pain killers are delicious, so I can understand. Poor McSteamy. Poor poor high pain-free McSteamy.
I almost feel left out of the whole Harry Potter thing because I haven't read the books or seen the movies, but then I remember that I don't care. I'm like that about a lot of things. My ability to not care about some things is amazing, but it has nothing on what I was like 20 years ago.
Damn, I'm old.
Have you ever made beef bourguignon? I want to make beef bourguignon. Why does that word look so weird? I know it's French and I spelled it correctly, but dang, that looks weird.
Is it weird to base a meal on the fact that you want gravy? I'm not asking that from my own experience. I'm asking for a friend.
Admit it, you know you wanted to see a video of male models from Fashion Week lip-synching to "A Little Less Conversation."