Archives for March 2011

what would joan crawford do?

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Sometimes when a situation comes up  that is out of the ordinary (and for me, it would have to be some crazy mess because my life is comprised of weirdness), it's best to channel Joan Crawford. 

Joan could handle a bitch. Joan wouldn't put up with your shit. Joan would tell you off, then tell Bette Davis off for fun. And that was when she was in a good mood. People knew Joan was crazy and for the most part they stayed out of her way because people usually steer clear of crazy.

Of course, that was before the interwebs. Now people hide behind anonymity from their desks on the interwebs, but I tend to think Joan would have signed her blog posts and comments with "who the eff else? I'm Joan Mothereffin' Crawford."  

She always had the last word, even bitch slapping two of her children from beyond the grave in the form of her will.

That's cold, yo. 

So, because I was raised to be nice (pffft), when it comes to dealing with fools, channeling Joan is what I do. And I'm asking myself "what would would Joan Crawford do?" 

I think I know the answer.

 

That's what Joan would say. Then she'd slap someone.

And yes, I know that's Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in the documentary Mommie Dearest, but still.

30 day song challenge: day 17 – a song that you hear often on the radio

*I'm taking the song challenge to mean "of all time," not genre-specific. Any of these songs are subject to change at any time. 

 

Okay, here's the thing — I don't listen to the radio. I don't. I sometimes listen to talk radio, but that's it. I haven't listened to the radio since I lived in Atlanta, where we had a GREAT station, 99x, an alternative station. I haven't found a decent station since. Now it's my iPod all the time, or Pandora. I find out about new bands on Twitter or through the Pandora station I listen to, but never the radio. Everything on the radio sounds the same and I can't take it. So, here's Adele's "Rolling in the Deep," which is doing well on the iTunes charts. It's a good song and Adele is fabulous. If you haven't checked her out, listen to this one and see what you think. 

 

this has to be stopped

Wonder Woman is getting a reboot on NBC, and while I am all for that in theory — not so much from the set photos. 

The new Wonder Woman looks perfectly fine standing still in her costume.

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But once she's in motion, it's a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.

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I still think the costume looks cheap and not glamorous at all. The bustier  looks too plasticky and not worthy Amazon Princess at all. You all know what I'm talking about — I know my Wonder Woman (and I had the Underoos as a kid and made the bracelets out of aluminum foil). I can't help but think Lynda Carter saw this and said "bitch, please."

In case you've forgotten, this is how it's done.

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And it's done in heels.

30 day song challenge: day 16 – a song that you used to love but now hate

*I'm taking the song challenge to mean "of all time," not genre-specific. Any of these songs are subject to change at any time.

 

I love 10,000 Maniacs and Natalie Merchant. Loved them since 1986. In my book whether with the Maniacs or not, Natalie Merchant has never put out a bad song and it's not that "These Are Days" is a bad song — it was just played to death. Whether on radio, MTV, or high school graduations — this song was played out. I loved this song in 1992, as I did the whole Our Time in Eden album, but for me it was one of those songs that was ruined by overexposure. The same thing happened with "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. That's also I song I can't listen to anymore. Ugh. 

 

 

30 day song challenge: day 15 – a song that describes you

*I'm taking the song challenge to mean "of all time," not genre-specific. Any of these songs are subject to change at any time. 

"Best Imitation of Myself" by Ben Folds.

 

"I feel like a quote out of context
Withholding the rest
So I can be for you what you want to see
I got the gesture and sound
Got the timing down
It's uncanny, yeah, you think it was me
Do you think I should take a class
To lose my southern accent
Did I make me up, or make the face till it stuck
I do the best imitation of myself
The "problem with you" speech
You gave me was fine
I liked the theories about my little stage
And I swore I was listening
But I started drifting
Around the part about me acting my age
Now if it's all the same
I've people to entertain
I juggle one handed
Do some magic tricks and
The best imitation of myself
Maybe I'm thinking myself in a hole
Wondering, who I am when I ought to know
Straighten up now time to go
Fool somebody else, fool somebody else
Last night I was east with them
And west within
Trying to be for you what you wanna see
But I can't help it with you
The good and bad comes through
Don't want you hanging out with
No one but me
Now if it's all the same
It comes from the same place
And if my mind's somewhere else
You won't be able to tell
I do the best imitation of myself
Yes it's uncanny to see
You'd really think it was me
The best imitation of myself
The best imitation of myself"

more “my drunk kitchen”

I came across another installment of "My Drunk Kitchen" for you. This time Hannah makes mac and cheese. 

 

30 day song challenge: day 14 – a song that no one would expect you to love

*I'm taking the song challenge to mean "of all time," not genre-specific. Any of these songs are subject to change at any time.

This one really shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me, although it will mortify a few of you. Sue me, I'm a horrible person, but Ben Folds singing "Bitches Ain't Shit" is awesome – that's some real conversation for your ass. Come on, it's not like I'm playing it in front of the kids.

Bitches can't hang with the streets.

 

30 day song challenge: day 13 – a song that is a guilty pleasure

*I'm taking the song challenge to mean "of all time," not genre-specific. Any of these songs are subject to change at any time.

I've been waiting for an opportunity to post this song and honestly, I should post this once a week because HELL IF IT ISN'T AWESOME. I'm going to try to contain my excitement and not use all caps for this post, but I FREAKING LOVE THIS SONG. In fact, I may have to change my ringtone to this one because THE MEN ALL PAUSE, BABY. First, a little history: back in 1986 I bought a tape by Klymaxx for the song "I Miss You" and was blown away by the nerve of this group. Klymaxx was like the female version of Morris Day and The Time. FOR REAL. They had attitude and plenty of it. Best lines of the song "‘cause they all loved me/Slap me, no, somebody slap me/‘cause I know I'm lookin' good/I'm givin' attitude all over the room/People are starin' at me/I-I-I just look too good for these people."

And I think you know that's how I feel every time I walk into a room. 

We're not even going to talk about the fact that I was 12 buying a tape by a group called Klymaxx. 

"The Men All Pause"

 

"I love ya, I love ya all, but I got to go."

my new hair accessory line

KBF-tiltshift I have a perfectly normal Facebook profile pic, which my mom hates. By the way, I am a grown ass woman and I stopped caring what my mom thought about my hair in 1990something when I dyed it black.

My current pic is to the right. Normal enough, right?

For some reason people are very vocal about my profile pics, which are all pretty normal. Curly hair, straight hair, flowers in my hair, whatev.

Since my mom hates the flower, I decided to make hair accessories with junk lying around the house to see if I could come up with anything more "me."

I may or may not have had a beverage while using the hot glue gun — but hey — no injuries.

Maybe that's the secret to the hot glue gun — use while drinking. Be sure and check out my new book Tipsy Crafting in stores never. 

 

 

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I don't know what I'm doing with my mouth here, but I kind of like the bow tie pasta hair clip.

 

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The hotel room key card is a good look. You'll never get locked out again.

 

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Here's looking at you, Mom.

 

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Is that Mignon Faget? Why yes, it is.

 

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 My Little Pony, My Little Pony, you're sitting on top of my head like a fool.
 

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This hair clippie is a two dollar bill. And I'm not just whistlin' "Dixie." It will be $2 in my Etsy store.*

 

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It's not often that one finds a lipstick that matches her hair color. Cinnamon Toast by L'Oreal is not only my winter lipstick, it's the hair clippie that does double duty and Lord knows I love a multitasker. 

 

*I don't have an Etsy store. This kind of whimsicle f#ckery** is only found in the depths of my junk drawer and mind. 

**Whimsicle f#ckery is the phrase of the genius behind Regretsy.com, not me — but I love the phrase.

new flip-flops

I live in different flip-flops in warm months. Not just any flip-flops — they have to have style. These are the latest addition to my collection, by Guess. 

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