valentine’s day thoughts

These are not necessarily purely Valentine's day thoughts, but it is Valentine's day. For anyone wondering, I will leave this post up on my computer all day, write something when I think of it and come back to it whenever I feel like it and hit "publish." It's random, kind of like me.

I've decided to join Salt n Pepa since Spinderella left the group. I'm going to be Paprika.

Then I'm going to launch my own line of spices. Don't even try to steal that idea, bitches.

I'm also going to start my own line of lingerie/sleepwear/loungewear that doesn't have any purple in it. I need an investor and a business manager, because clearly I'm the creative mind behind everything and I can't do everything for goodness sakes. 

What could I call my lingerie line? 

As some of my friends know, I've had hives several times since the end of last week. I haven't eaten anything different, I'm not using different detergent or anything. I'm just a freak.

The girls' bus driver did that thing you do with two fingers up to your eyes then pointed at me that means "I'm watching you" this morning. Am I back in the 'hood? I know someone who isn't getting a "school people that aren't teachers" week gift. 

Just decided I have more street cred than Justin Beiber. 

I couldn't sleep last night. Then when I slept, I dreamed that I was on a subway with a friend, then I was a nurse, then back on the subway, then I was an orchestra conductor. In the conductor part of the dream I was wearing a lady tux with tails and a skirt and my conducting wand broke. Oh, and I had a taco salad in the dream. I need a dream interpreter. 

I don't like the word "dreamt." It looks weird, so I don't use it. 

The grocery store had "personal mini watermelons" last week. This made me think of three things — 1) it's not summer, 2) everything truly is single serving now, and 3) the worst action movie ever would be Watermelon: This Time It's Personal. 

Still no wedding invite from Prince William. 

Until this morning when I read the CNN news online I thought Lady Antebellum was one person and a lady. Country music is not my thing. Remotely. And really — if they are Lady Antebellum and there is a Lady Gaga (gag) then people need to start calling me Duchess Kerry. 

In a Words With Friends game today I played "gruyere." I consider that a win in itself. 

On April Fool's Day I may change my Facebook relationship status to "Kerry is in a relationship with cheese and it's complicated."

For my birthday this year my girlfriends and I are going back to the cabins in Tickfaw State Park. Hear that, nature — I am choosing to spend time in you. Actually, I'll be in an air conditioned cabin where two years ago we were on Michael Jackson Celebrity Death Watch Weekend and I'll bring the Zyrtec.

Stacy, if you're reading this —  bring the margarita machine. It's not a birthday without margaritas. Preferably raspberry. 

Am I the only one who gets on a kick with one particular type of food? I'm on a rice kick. The jambalaya I made yesterday could win a blue ribbon. I love carbs. 

Full disclosure — I need to have Camelia Cafe's bread pudding everyday. I also need to have it magically become zero Weight Watchers points. I had this bread pudding last week and it was divine. Real full disclosure — we also had Bananas Foster cheesecake at the same lunch. It was how I envision Heaven. 

I detest garden gnomes. And garden gazing balls. And most lawn decor. I don't mind a single flag, I have one. But for the love of sod, why must people decorate everything to death? I live in south Louisiana and people are Mardi Gras nuts. Must you hang Mardi Gras ornaments on the tree in your yard, put a wreath on the door, have your fleur de lis flag, mailbox wrapped in purple, green, and gold, AND put a mask on your garden gnome? REALLY? 

Did you know won ton means "cloud swallows"? 

Did you know I know more useless trivia than the average bear? 

Speaking of bears…

I told the hubs about this graphic and how much it made me laugh Saturday night at dinner and he looked at me like "what is wrong with you?" Nothin', just bear stuffs.

I know I have a different sense of humor. It's okay.





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