Being an authority on pumpkin carving, I thought I would instruct you people on how to properly carve a pumpkin.
Get yourself a pumpkin. Your pumpkin should be big, but not so big that you cannot pick it up. If at all possible, have your spouse go pumpkin shopping to be sure you will have a pumpkin that cannot stand right-side up, so that you will have to turn it upside down to carve. BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY I DO IT.
Place pumpkin atop newspaper (this is just for show, as you will get pumpkin guts on the table and probably on the floor).
If you have children, have them draw pictures of what they would like the pumpkin to look like and have a vote. It is up to you if you would like to kick the non-winner off the island.
As you can see, the oldest child won — kitty pumpkin it is.
Cut top off pumpkin and place to the side.
Gut pumpkin with large spoon. Scrape the inner walls of the pumpkin well.
If you have children, have them remove the pumpkin guts, you don't want to touch that slimy stuff. It's gross.
Assemble the tools you will need for carving (really, you should have done this earlier, but you aren't perfect).
– serrated knife
– paring knife
Draw a face on your pumpkin.
Use your serrated knife for making the large cuts. Once the large sections are cut out, go back with your paring knife to even your cuts and to make small cuts, such as the ones around the eyes. Save the removed sections to cut ears, or do as I did and use the bottom, I mean TOP because I'm not using it anyway.
Use toothpicks to attach ears to your kitty pumpkin's head (for some reason we had plastic toothpicks – how weird is that?) and for the whiskers.
Use your paring knife to shave off the pumpkin skin on ears and pupils for dimension.
Super Secret Tip: spray your pumpkin with Pam and rub with a paper towel to make it nice and shiny!
You have carved yourself a pumpkin. Place a votive or Christmas lights inside and put it on your porch for Halloween to greet trick or treaters.
Now, wasn't that fun?