Archives for September 2010

things that just aren’t right

There are some things in the world that just aren't right.  I have said "that's just not right" about things for years, but today takes the cake.  I'm not talking about Congress thinking they're going to pass 20 bills in the next six weeks.  I'm not talking about Kim Jong Il promoting his son.  I'm not talking about Rahm Emanuel leaving the White House to run for mayor in Chicago.  No, people, this is a whole lotta crazy.

I fired up the interwebs this morning and have my coffee, as I usually do at the crack of nine and read the news on CNN.com.  I enjoy the CNN for news as well as my Anderson Cooper.  But not today.  

On the top half of the front page is the news that Snooki, of The Jersey Shore, has struck a deal with a major publisher to write a novel.  This just isn't right.  This young lady is famous for being punched on television and for being orange.  I do not know Snooki.   I don't know if she has a passion for writing or if she has a flair for storytelling and a love of language.  I don't know if she loves the works of Shakespeare or spends her nights re-reading Jane Austen.  I only know that she somehow got a book deal.  For a novel.  With words.  

Later in the day, I checked CNN again and saw that NBC is making a remake of The Munsters.  You know, the show where the family just happens to be monsters?  Yeah.  This just isn't right.  NBC, did you not read my post full of original show ideas here on The Kerry Blog in the spring?  Who Wants to Marry a Guy with Decent Credit, Kerry Gets a Houseboy, I Want to Give Andrew McCarthy a TV Show — any of these ring a bell? NBC, I give and give and what do you do?  You give the green light to a remake of a show no one needed in the first place.  I simply cannot take it.

This afternoon, again, on the top half of the front page of CNN.com is the headline: Bolton Wants 'DWTS' Apology.  Michael Bolton of mullet fame is apparently on Dancing with the Stars this season.  I do not watch this particular program.  I think they use the term "stars" loosely, as Bristol Palin and Snooki's buddy from The Jersey Shore are currently on the show.  Michael Bolton was recently told by a judge on the show that his was the worst performance ever in the history of the world of DWTS.  Now he wants an apology.  Seriously?  This just isn't right. Michael, I want an apology for having to look at your hair back in the day on VH1 every other hour.  These judges say things for ratings.  Have you not seen a reality show competition before?  Did your agent not tell you what you were getting into?  Did you have any backstage conversations with Sarah Palin?  

Finally, I read that Congress voted that commercials on TV are too loud.  Thank baby Jesus something is finally going to be done about this.  I could not spend one more day with commercials as loud as they are and the thought of bringing my children up in a world with loud commercials is appalling.  Talk about something that just isn't right!  We have the right to play Words with Friends on our iPhones in peace during commercials without being disturbed by the Fushigi Magic Gravity Ball or the Shake Weight.  This is America, not some third world country.  

I'll leave you with one more thing that isn't right.  

I have no words.

this is alright

This is my favorite thing on the interwebs right now.  I've played it 42 times.

That's what I'm talking about.

on online chat etiquette

Last night I was on Facebook, as I often am, chatting with friends when I came to the conclusion that it was up to me to outline proper online chat etiquette.  So, here I am, your humble scribe, with what will surely help interwebs communication.

  • you can say anything you want online as long as you put a smiley face behind it.
  • you can say anything you want online as long as you type "LOL" behind it.
  • if it's not a "literal LOL" i.e. not that funny — you may be able to sue depending on your online rights in your state.
  • if you can't sue due to your state laws, move.
  • if Facebook hates you (as it does me) and kicks you off chat every 5 minutes, you should probably sue founder Mark Zuckerberg.  
  • it is not acceptable to chat up someone you went to school with and haven't seen or spoken to since 1997 and come out to them.*
  • it is not acceptable to chat up someone you once had a fling with back in the day and ask if they remember said fling. *
  • it is not acceptable to chat up someone you were acquaintances with back in the day and confide in them about your divorce and child custody issues.*
  • it is not acceptable to chat up someone you were childhood friends with but haven't seen or spoken to since you randomly saw them in a mall in '96 and tell them you have a hard time dating because of your venereal disease.*
  • it is not acceptable to chat up someone you are barely acquaintances with and ask them to "skype you."*
  • if is perfectly acceptable to type "wtf?" if any of those scenarios happen to you during a chat.

I can only hope this etiquette lesson helps in your online communications.  No need to thank me.

Love,

*these have all happened to moi.

so, I’m thinking…

of growing my hair out.  

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I'll just leave these photos of the First Lady of Cameroon and Mrs. Obama right here.

photos from Gawker

yes, I love shoes

This is what was on my Facebook profile page when I commented on something Laura Beth wrote on my wall tonight.  

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I have no idea how they knew this. Have they seen the Zappos and Piperlime boxes?   Now Facebook is making me paranoid.

all purpose update

It's been a while since we've talked hasn't it, friends and interwebs strangers?  I thought I'd do an all-purpose update now that I'm back from ScrapFest and decently recovered from that and surgery.  Here goes.

  • Gallbladder surgery isn't fun.  Apparently people think "laproscopic" means "magically done by a swami" because I've had several peeps say things like "well, at least you didn't have to get cut."  So, I guess I'm imagining the four incisions.  Could be — I was on some pretty good drugs.  
  • my surgeon told me during my post-op visit that my gallbladder was highly inflamed.  Yeah, I could have told him that.
  • I ate a lot of soup during recovery.  
  • I watched a lot of Food Network during recovery and have decided I need to become friends with Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa.  We could cook together at her Connecticut house and and eat things with real butter and cream and drink fun cocktails.  I was thinking this before Ina was mentioned on 30 Rock the other night.  I love that show, but it's weird that they are somehow accessing my thoughts.
  • I watched a ton of movies during recovery.  I cannot name them, I was on Percocet.  I do remember watching Black Dynamite though, and I highly recommend it even if you are fresh out of pain killers.
  • I do not recommend working on pain killers.  I could not be a drug addict.  While on drugs, I made some ScrapFest! forms and small signs for our raffle table.  They were wrong and people told me all weekend. Never said I was perfect or for that matter, even competent.  
  • At the event, my friend Melanie posted on my Facebook page that someone saw my profile pic on her laptop and said "who is that pretty girl?"  Melanie informed her that it was me.  Apparently I do not look like myself live and in person.
  • I ate half a brownie at ScrapFest! before Megan knocked over my tea, dousing the brownie.  I was mad. 
  • A fly landed in my coffee this morning.  That really throws a kink in my breakfast of champions — coffee and the 5 different medications I take every morning.  
  • The hubs painted the kitchen and living room while I was sick.  The color I picked is called Latte.  This may or may not be a coincidence.
  • My new favorite stupid television show is Hillbilly Handfishin'.  It is a real show.  I am not making it up.  It ranks up there with Billy the Exterminator, but is no Pawn Stars.
  • Would someone remind me to make an appointment at my hair salon?
  • I have decided upon my new alias.  I'm not telling you what it is, that's why it's an alias.
  • I'm visiting the hometown for a few days next month.  If you've been reading the blog for a while, you know how these visits usually go, so put me on the prayer chain.  
  • Facebook's suggestions get on my nerves.
  • My scale is broken.  I plan on going to Target and testing out the scales — whichever one I weigh less on is the one I will buy.
  • I see nothing wrong with that plan.
  • A few days ago I heard there is a new movie coming out called It's Kind of a Funny Story.  For what it's worth, this is what the title of my life story was going to be.  For real.  

That's all for now.  More to follow.

blog announcement

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I am back.  

Love,

Kerry

 

no reason monday night post

Up in the office earlier, I found lots of old photos and I thought I'd share one with you. 

I was around three, crazy skinny, with out-of-control fire engine red hair. You can sense the wackiness, can't you?

no reason monday night post

some things

Practically perfect
 

So, I'm taking a few days off.  I know you'll miss me.  I'll miss you too, friends and internet strangers.  Here's the thing — I had my gallbladder removed Tuesday and I'm super sore and tired and loopy and who knows what I'd write while I'm on painkillers anyway.  Yay for drugs!

Next week is ScrapFest! and I still have quite a few things to do design-wise for the event.  Posts here at the blog may be scarce until the week after, but I'll be back.  Just like the Terminator.

Image from uncookedcards.com.  

best song I’ve heard in a while (NSFW or anywhere, really)

This is currently my favorite song.  If you have delicate ears, you may want to skip this post.  

For the rest of you, Here's Cee-Lo.