Archives for December 2009

got a substance abuse problem?

While looking up AT&T in the phone book at my grandfather’s, I found these listings. Just give AAAAAAAAAABFT for your substance abuse problem. I couldn’t find a listing for acronym abuse though.

got a substance abuse problem?

photo study: my mom and her new cell phone

I gave my mom a new cell phone for Christmas.  Saying she's technologically challenged would be putting it mildly.  Here's a story from 1996 to give you a reference point.  

My parents had recently gotten caller id.  I'd come home on a break from college and both my parents asked me to look at the caller id box (remember when you had to have the box to see who was calling?) because they couldn't clear the info on the display.  My mom said the display showed someone named Melissa with a 555 number had called, but they didn't know a Melissa.  I went to the box, peeled off the display sticker and handed it to my mom.  True story.

So, yesterday afternoon, I gave the phone to my mom.  It's a very basic phone.  Here are the pictures to show her confusion over trying to figure it out after the lesson I gave her on how to use it.

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People, I am clearly a glutton for punishment.  I might as well set up an automated service to answer her questions about the phone.  And just so you know, while she was taking pictures of the kids with the new phone, my grandfather told her she'd better slow down or she would use up all the film.  Don't worry, there will be a photo study of my grandfather's house, per my friend Molly's suggestion.  

Attack of the zebra jumpsuit

Don’t worry, I’m getting one for you too.

Attack of the zebra jumpsuit

decade wrap-up in 7 minutes

Here is pretty much all you need to know about the first decade of this century in 7 minutes.  From Newsweek.

Sunday rewind: Erasure by request

Ever eager to please, today's 80's Sunday Rewind fulfills the request for an Erasure post.  Nothing like a little synth-pop for your Christmas weekend.  I loved some Erasure back in the day, with the release of 1988's The Innocents.  "Chains of Love" and ""A Little Respect" were fantastic songs, as was their rendition of "River Deep, Mountain High."  I remember a mix tape I'd made with Erasure, Pet Shop Boys, and Electronic that would blow your synth-pop socks off.

Here's a little Erasure for your Sunday.

This is the video for "A Little Respect" with live audio — best I could do, folks.

And shut up — here's Erasure in drag doing Abba's "Take a Chance On Me."  Love this.

If you have a request, put it in the comments.  I'd love to hear it.

favorite ornaments

Tonight after putting away the Polly Pockets and trains, I sat in my dining room taking it all in.  Our Christmas tree stands in a corner of the dining room, crooked after the chaos this morning.  My camera was still on the table, so I grabbed it and snapped pictures of my favorite ornaments.  I tend to hate themey trees, but our tree has gotten kind of themey with a lot of colorful candy canes, cupcakes, lollipops, and ribbon candy, as well as the keepsake ornaments and those I've received as gifts.  I thought I would share the photos.

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My tiny glass candy canes among the painted wooden and real candy canes decorated to look like Rudolph by the kids.

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One of the cupcakes.  I love the cupcakes — the sprinkles are the cutest.

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Molly's tiny ballerina ornament is my favorite of the kids ornaments.  Ain't she sweet?

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This is the only surviving snow globe ornament from the three I purchased three years ago.  Have you ever broken a snow globe?  Broken glass, water, and tiny flecks of fake snow.  Not cool.

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One of the three "baby's 1st Christmas" ornaments on our tree.  This is Molly's.

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And my favorite new ornament, a gift from great friends.  Very cute on my supercute tree.

I hope you've had an especially wonderful Christmas.  

merry Christmas from my family to yours


merry Christmas from my family to yours

have yourself a merry little Christmas

It's after midnight on Christmas Eve, a night that has always been a favorite of mine.  When I was a little girl my family always went to my great-grandmother's house for Christmas Eve and I adored the magic of that night.  My great-grandmother lived alone in a little house a block away from my elementary school and I loved going there.  Her house always had an aroma of butter and sweetness.  There was something on the stove, relatives were dropping by, and everything seemed so big then.  

The only thing that didn't seem big was her Christmas tree.  Every year her little tree was placed atop a small table which was next to her chair.  The chair was where my Mammaw Katie Lewis would sit to watch the great grandchildren open our presents, lots of presents.  I remember asking my mother why my great-grandmother had such a small tree and she said it was because she lived alone and didn't have a reason to have a big tree.  That answer never satisfied me because even as a child, I never did anything small.  

Now, as an adult, I think about the alone part.  Mammaw Lewis never seemed alone to me because we were there.  Of course, that's a child's point of view when you only know about the part of the world you're in at the moment.  I never thought about what my great-grandmother did after we left her house precisely when the channel 12 weatherman said that Santa was on his way to the Ark-La-Tex.  Once we headed home in the blue wood-paneled station wagon, I only thought about getting in my bed and waiting for Santa.  Now I am Santa and I'm quite reflective.  I would imagine my great-grandmother was reflective on Christmas Eve as well.   And tonight as I've been surrounded by family at church and a party, put the kids and the hubs to bed, and played Santa — I sit alone in my living room, enjoying the quiet before the chaos Christmas morning will bring.  

I'm thinking of Christmases past and relatives passed on.  I'm thinking of presents and having presence, gifts given and the Greatest Gift we can receive.  I'm hoping that you have a merry little Christmas and think about our Savior who was born so long ago on a night that must have felt very alone to the young mother who bore him.  That is a gift I don't take for granted.  

I also don't take you for granted.  Thank you for spending a few moments here when you have the time.  I have great readers and friends who are just wonderful.  I wish you a very merry one.  

Love,

ugly Christmas lawn decor contest: winner (loser) announcement

It's Christmas Eve!  That means it's time to announce the winner (loser) of the Kerry Blog Ugly Christmas Lawn Decor Contest.  

Drumroll please.

The $25 Starbucks giftcard goes to Anonymous!  And she sent in an acceptance speech.  Ahem.

"I would like to thank Kerry Faler for the inspiration. My mother who wishes I was adopted (that's what you get mom for making me eat cinnamon Certs as a sick child!)  My trailer which I have been living in for 2+ years and  has helped me become the "trash" I am today. My aunt who unknowingly let me use her yard to take this pic. She also won second place in the Daily Star newspaper lawn decorating contest last week. (I bet she would have one first place if i had been out there!)  My sister who was so kind to take the picture for me.  Blow-up Santa who held the sign, and last but not least Blow-up Humping dog who added the extra UMPH I needed to make this picture work.  FYI to anyone who dosen't know- You must ALWAYS have a humping dog in your mooning pictures otherwise the picture just dosn't look right.  Thanks everyone and have a Happy New Year.  Anonymous… "

No, Anonymous, thank you.  Thank you for helping the Kerry Blog to bring the interwebs the best in what tacky has to offer.  And yes, readers, Anonymous' mother did leave her alone sick once as a child and told her to eat Certs, because everyone knows that Certs are a cure-all.  Forget Obamacare, just give a pack of Certs to each American and hope for the best.  It worked for Anonymous, look how well she turned out.

Also, the winner (loser) of the bonus round is Jenn for this:


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Yeah, that's just wrong.  The snowman is smiling because he ate Santa and knows you're not getting any presents tomorrow morning.  Sorry.  Jenn wins some tinsel and a $10 Barnes and Noble giftcard.  Hooray for tinsel!

Here's hoping you have a very merry Christmas Eve,

happy festivus

Happy Festivus to friends near and far.  

Love,