Archives for August 2009

ah, memories of drunk people

So, you’re in for a treat today, friends.  I’ve found one of the video clips I’ve been looking for on You Tube for a couple of years from Saturday Night Live back in 2001 or so.  It’s of Jeff Richard’s character “Drunk Girl,” who is pretty much dead ringer for a friend of mine from high school and college.  Mutual friends will know exactly who I’m referring to.  As you know, I am a teetotaler and always have been.  Because of my nature, I was the designated everything back in the day and for better or for worse (mostly worse), “Drunk Girl” was a friend of mine.  She was good for a few laughs.  Anyway, here’s the sketch. 


50 things no one ever asks you

I saw this on a friend's Facebook profile and it made me laugh, so here's mine.  By the way, it's almost 11am, so that may explain some of my answers.

50 things no one ever asks you…

50 (yes fifty!!) things you've never been asked….copy/paste & share!

Once you've been tagged, you have to answer this and tag 10 people, including the person who tagged you.

1. What is the color of your toothbrush?
pink and White

2. Name one person who made you smile today.
Andrew

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
sleeping

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
waking up

5. What is your favorite candy bar?
Snickers or Almond Joy.  Girl loves an Almond Joy.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
oh, hell to the no.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
oh, hell to the no.

8. What is your favorite ice cream?
regular flavor: mint chocolate chip, but I love the Cold Stone German Chocolate Cake.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
still drinking my vat of coffee

10. Do you like your wallet?
yes, it's Coach and stripey with no money in it.

11. What was the last thing you ate?
a couple of Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
is it bad that I can't remember?  Did I?  Hell. 

13. The last sporting event you watched?
No idea.  I'm sure it was baseball.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
flavor of popcorn?  really?  I like a Crunch and Munch.  Tastes better than Cracker Jack, but you don't get a prize.  That sucks.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?
Scott

16. Ever go camping?
me, no.  I love not camping.

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
no

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
not every Sunday.  With 3 kids, life sometimes gets in the way.  This morning there was no chance, since I was awake until 3:30 unable to sleep for no reason.

19. Do you have a tan?
if you connected the dots to my freckles, maybe.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
yes.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
I enjoy straws.

22. What did your last text message say?
"I love you" from Scott

23. What are you doing tomorrow?
cleaning house, laundry, and final ScrapFest stuff.

25. Look to your left, what do you see?
a sink full of dishes.

26. What color is your watch?
silver or steel and white.

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?
"Do you come from a land down under?
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."

29.Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
depends on if we're going to Chick Fil A to play — most of the time it's the drive-thru

30. What is your favorite number?
42

31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
Megan

32. Any plans Saturday?
yeah, I'll be rockin' the mic at ScrapFest, visiting with friends, and maybe scrapbooking if things go as planned.

33. How many states have you lived in?
3

34. Biggest annoyance right now?
a whiny child.

35. Last song listened to?
"I'll Be You."

36. can you say the alphabet backwards?
no.  how is that useful in any way unless you're trying to prove sobriety?

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
my family seems to think so. 

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
black Volatile flip flops.

39. Are you jealous of anyone?
nope. 

40. Is anyone jealous of you?
for real, can you blame them?  damn. 

41. Do you love anyone?
I love many.

42. Do any of your friends have children?
I think the question should be "do any of your friends need a vacay from their children?"

43. What do you usually do during the day
as little as possible.  right now it's a lot for da Fest, taking care of the chil'ren, and being awesome.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
hate is a strong word.  I despise a few people.  Even loathe.

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
no, I use "holla." 

46. What color is your car?
silver (with a little rust spot from where I backed into the hubs' old car, it's okay, it matches my hair).

47. how many dvds do you own?
no idea.  we own more kids dvds than anything.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
no, I am void of thought.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
sho nuff.  Six Flags is the bomb.

50. How did you get your worst scar?
when my youngest child was forcibly taken from my womb in what is known as a Cesarean Section.  I'll never have that bikini bod back.

80’s Sunday Rewind: the Replacements

The Replacements are a band I've loved since my love of music started, around 1986-87.  I'm always surprised when fellow music lovers haven't heard their stuff or don't remember them, because the Mats were simply fabulous.  Paul Westerberg has one of the best rock and roll voices around and he wrote some great tunes back in the day. 

Here are a few of my faves, starting with "Achin' to Be."

And this is the demo (better) version of "Can't Hardly Wait."

"I'll Be You" is a great song (watch the video quick! WMG is taking down the original vid faster than you can say Westerberg!).  I played this record OUT in '89.  Yes, I said record.  "I'll Be You" is from the fantastic album Don't Tell a Soul.  Westerberg sings the line "I'm dressin' sharp and feelin' dull" which I love, as well as "rebel without a clue," which Tom Petty heard and borrowed the line for "Into the Great Wide Open." My favorite lyric is "a dream too tired to come true," which is sad and lovely all at the same time. Anyway, have a beautiful Sunday and I'll tell you what we should do, you be me for a while and I'll be you.

really, I don’t mind at all.

At least that's what I'm telling myself.  Because the more you tell yourself something, the more you believe it and then after a while, it's part of your composition.

So, maybe I won't mind. 

But for now, it's important to me because a person should have people in their life that they feel like they can count on.  And it hurts.  I'm not sure why I'm airing this here (because it's not as though they read the blog after all), and as the song says, "it's getting so you never know when things are left alone."  I don't believe leaving things alone is a trait of mine.  I'm pretty sure I wasn't in line when God was giving that one out, just as I wasn't in line for many other traits.  The trait I was blessed with for better or for worse, is expression.   And even though I'm not paid for it, fundamentally I've always been a writer-girl and the written word is my main form of expression.  So, what I can't verbalize right now will be written and maybe I'll get around to saying how I feel to whom this is directed and maybe I won't.

I know many of my readers come here for a laugh, but it hasn't been one of those days.  I hope you understand.  I'm sure I'll put a smile on my face and get back to our usual shenanigans tomorrow.  But for today, here's the song. 

I Dont Mind at All – Bourgeois Tagg

tunes you need Tuesday: ‘hard candy’ edition

I've written about my Counting Crows before and y'all know how I love them.  Maybe it's because I discovered them when I needed something, maybe it's because Adam Duritz can write a lyric that gets me, maybe it's because they're underrated and who doesn't love a band who does their own thing despite the what the critics say? 

200px-CountingCrowsHardCandy Here's what I do know: Hard Candy was released in June of 2002, just before we moved to Canada and for some reason it rose to the top of my music collection and was decidedly my soundtrack for a good year.  It's a summer album, I think.  And since we're closing out summer, it's a good choice for Tunes Tuesday.  It's good stuff. 

It featured the hidden track, "Big Yellow Taxi," a Joni Mitchell cover, as well as several other songs I immediately loved.  "Frankie Miller Goes to Hollywood (Up All Night)" is one I have to play several times when it comes up on the iPod and "If I Could Give All My Love to you or Richard Manuel is Dead" is awesome. 

The album still rocks.  Go get you some Hard Candy.

Here are a few of my fave tracks.  The title track, "Hard Candy" has a great line "she is something all together different, never just an ordinary girl"  — because who would want to be an ordinary girl?  And "you put your girl up on a pedestal and you wait for her to fall" is pretty damn telling, just listen.

"Miami" is just a plain good.   You need to hear it, baby, then we'll shut it down in New Orleans. 

Next up is "Why Should You Come When I Call,"  a song I've identified with on occasion.  It's a sweet song of love and codependency. Really.

And my favorite, "Frankie Miller Goes to Hollywood (Up All Night)" is last but not least.  It's a fantastic song to drive to, sing to, dance in the kitchen to.  What? like you've never danced in your kitchen.  It's a good insomniac song (which you know I am), a good song about wanting to get high (but it's too late), and a good song for a Tuesday.  Enjoy your Tuesday. 

a little Monday perfection

I've had Michael Penn's "No Myth" in my head for several days now and I just love this video.  How cute is Michael Penn? 

80’s Sunday rewind: Morris Day and The Time

People, there are lots of bands I like for many reasons and then there is Morris Day and The Time. 

Morris Day and The Time are the jam.  If you need an education on The Time, you’re in luck today, peeps.  And when you’ve finished with today’s post, do yourself a favor and watch Purple Rain.  If you’re the ONE PERSON in America who hasn’t seen Purple Rain — rent it.  Don’t make me call you out on my widely-read blog, friend.  I digress, Morris Day and The Time were not simply Prince’s funk pet project, they were (and are) a fabulous band.

The first video is “The Bird.”  I fully admit  that “this dance ain’t for everybody, just the sexy people” is something I say at least once a week.      

Now, you’ll have to cover your virgin ears for part of this clip, but it’s too awesome to leave out.

And if you have virgin ears, it’s best you skip this clip — my favorite from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.  Don’t you ever say a bad word about the greatest band in the world, Morris Day and The Mothereffin’ Time!

a Friday night with Kerry

So, it's Friday night.  Although I've never been the party girl, I never thought a Friday night would become quite this anticlimactic. 

I've just dyed my hair orange. 

Orange was not the color I was going for, in fact, Light Auburn is the shade on the box.  But it might as well be called Orange.  Don't believe me?  Let's go to the evidence.

IMG000400 Oh, yeah, I dyed my eyebrows too, because I want to look like the Carrot Top version of Groucho Marx. 

This is all kinds of sexy, wouldn't you agree?  Not so much, I know.  The houseboys aren't exactly lining up outside the door. 

As the color began to to darken on top of my head and I checked the mirror, a song popped into my head. 

Can you guess which one?

"They call me Heat Miser…"

News_heatmiser

It's the one and only Heat Miser from 1974's "The Year Without a Santa Claus."  

The Heat Miser and I have one thing in common.  Okay two.  1) flame-colored hair and 2) similar body shapes. 

Besides that we're total opposites.  He likes it hot; I like cool temperatures.  He hates Santa; I love Christmas.  He can melt objects with his bare hands; I melt in the heat and humidity.  He sings Ragtime; I sing everything on my iPod, no Ragtime.  He has a much-hated step-brother, the Snow Miser; I have a sister in Texas, where it has snowed before .  His mom is Mother Nature herself; my mother has enjoyed the Animal Planet.   He clearly has no fashion sense; I'm me.  He has minions which are miniature versions of himself;  I'm not allowed to speak about that until after the trial is over. 

Just before I rinsed my hair, I checked the mirror again and another image came to me.  

Syndrome Syndrome from The Incredibles

Either I need to go back to the salon for professional coloring or I need to stop watching animated television and movies. 

This is just sad.

I just had the strangest epiphany.

If the Heat Miser and I had a child it would be Syndrome. 

Look at him.  Seriously. 

live blogging the Project Runway premier

Just decided to live blog. 

9:03 — girl just said she doesn't design "plus size," she calls it "plus sexy!"  HELL YEAH!

9:05 — South Carolina girl just said "if you were a woodland fairy you would wear one of my dresses."  Um, okay.

9:06 — it's so good to see Tim and Heidi again! 

9:07 — I like this Louis Black chick from Dallas.  Blond girl Althea Harper is young.  I like the cute dark-haired boy.  Can't remember his name.  Champagne for everyone!

9:09 — they're on the red carpet at the Emmy's.  Cool.  They're creating a red carpet look that represents their point of view for the first challenge.  Go designers!

9:10 — it's a 2 day challenge.  I love my Tim Gunn.  Christopher Straub is my dark-haired boy.  I like his sketches.  Ari Fish is the funky chick for this season and she doesn't sketch.  WTF.  Somewhere Robert Best is rolling his eyes.

9:12 — it's shopping at MOOD! 

9:13 — Ra'mon (with the comma to the top) just almost cried talking about design.  Oh dear.  Okay,  I have 2 fave boy designers already — Michael Hall and Christopher.  Johnny is a recovering meth addict.  I think he's going to drop out, y'all.  Oh, he's crying.

9:15 — commercial.  Had to check Facebook.  Y'all, I hope this is a good PR season.  I just can't take bland after a Runway-less spring and summer.  I want to hear Nina Garcia say "it's just aesthetically not pleasing!" and Michael Kors say "I feel like the pope at a strip club!"  The Runway quotes are my fave.  I only wish there were more occasions to say "that crotch is insane!"

9:19 — that was a long ass commercial.  Johnny is talking to Tim.  Tim is concerned.  Johnny feels emotionally obliterated.  Honey, I've been that way every day this week and I'm not a recovering meth addict.  I SO need a Tim Gunn in my life.  Okay, I kinda have one, but that's another post I'll never write.

9:21 — my boy Christopher has never heard of smocking.  Poor Christopher.  OH DEAR.  Tim said if his dress isn't styled correctly it could go "cruise line cocktail waitress."

9:23 — I do not get Michael? Mitchell's dress.  Victorian — eh.

9:24 — here come the skinny models!

9:25 — Michael/Mitchell's dress is the wrong size for his model.  The plus sexy designer's name is Qristal.  For realz.  I'm changing my name. 

9:25 — commercial.  Okay, I'm armed with iced tea for the rest of the show.  I can't believe it's half over!  I don't know about some of the designers.  What was the Zooey Deschanel cotton commercial about?  Say what?

9:30 — the commercials are WAY too long.  Michael/Mitchell only has pantyhose-type fabric left to work with.  Oh dear.  His model looks nekkid.  Not good.  Nina will say it's vulgar. 

9:32 — Poor little Mitchell.  I think that's his name.  Another commercial!  I can't take it!

9:34 — Okay, I'm refusing to see this "all about Steve" movie 'cause it looks stupid and I hate that "I'm Gonna Write You a Love Song" song.  Write the damn song already, don't sing about how you're going to write the song — that's not a song!  Sing the love song, not the song about writing the song — would you read a book about the author writing about the book he wants to write?  No.  Stupid.

9:37 — At least the commercial was shorter.  Guest judge is Lindsay "Firecrotch" Lohan.  She only wears leggings — is she the only guest judge they could find?

9:39 — This guy/girl, Malvin just said "every creator feels a little blah blah blah" and sounded like Frankenstein describing his monster.

9:40 — Eh.  The dresses are okay.  Ari Fish's dress is pretty horrid.  And by dress, I mean shiny silver mess.

9:43 — Qristal says Miley Cyrus would wear her dress.  Mmmkay.  Heidi says the front of the dress is a mess.  So agree.  Christopher may win!  Love that he took the hat off for the runway, hate that he has his sunglasses hanging off his shirt.  Ra'mon's dress is pretty safe.  Ari's dress is the VMA's in 2080 and it's also the dress to pick up her Nobel Peace Prize.  Mmmkay again.  Kors says it looks like a disco soccer ball.  My thoughts exactly.  It's bad.  Johnny says his dress is very liquidy.  I hate it.  The judges like it.  WHY?  It looks like a red garbage bag.  Mitchell's dress is unwearable, Nina says.  Kors says it's a kinda cool nightgown with a glass of brandy.  I can't disagree. 

9:49 — The judges deliberation — why the hell do they like Johnny's dress?  It must look way better in person.  They really like my boy Christopher's.  I really don't know who they're sending home.  So much bad.  Ari's dress had hotpants underneath. 

9:51 — I hate commercials.  Okay, so I'm thinking Ari may be auf'ed and Christopher wins. 

9:55 — This season there's a show with the models on after Runway.  I think not.

9:56 — ANNNND — Christopher wins!  Good for him.  And his blazer has a coursage.  How cute is that.  he needs to lose the sideways hat in the interview.  It's down to Mitchell and Ari.  Who's auf?  Ari is out.  Poor Ari.  I think she was a little out there for Runway.  

9:59 — Previews!  Next week they will design for a real celebrity.  It's LA, it better not be a chick from The Hills or something.  Ugh. 

in honor of tonight’s Project Runway premier

Here is my all-time favorite moment in Project Runway history — Zulema's request of the model walk-off.  OMG.  Daniel V said it best, "it's a mothereffin' walkoff!"