Archives for January 2009

new theme song

If you're anything like me (which is possibly the most ridiculous statement I've ever made), you have a theme song. 

A personal theme song for is quite the necessary accessory for your day, your week, your life.  If you do not have a theme song, I suggest you go out an get one right this minute.  But Kerry, I don't know what my theme should be, you say — well, I'm here to help, peeps. 

Your personal theme song should reflect how you feel or how you want to feel, your attitude, or your beliefs.  Or it could be that a song with lyrics that seem like they were written just for you.  Everyone has had a moment when a song comes on the radio and you're blown away by the words.  Say, if your name is Ruby and you're cheating on your spouse who happens to be a disabled veteran — your theme song could be "Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town," by Kenny Rogers, recently covered by The Killers.  There is no judging on the Kerry Blog, only love.  And helping others.  And sarcasm.  And maybe a a wee little bit of judging, but it's only because I care. 

Just for fun, I thought I'd share my theme song with you and all of the interwebs this weekend.  It's always been Adam Ant's "Goody Two Shoes" for me, since forever. 


I love that song.  Which reminds me, I still haven't gotten those leather leggings and gun holster of piratecowboy.com I ordered a few weeks ago.  While Adam Ant always wore more makeup and used more hair products than me, his song has played in my head through lots of moments of my life.  After all, I've been Miss Goody Two Shoes forever and wear the crown gladly.  By the way, "subtle innuendos follow, must be something inside" is the line everyone can't make out. 

It's also helpful to have theme songs for specific activities, trips, and such.  As of last night I have a new theme song for scrapbook trips courtesy of my friend Laurel who introduced me to the fabulousness that is Leslie Hall.  This is the song that Laurel listens to while she gets ready to go out, because that's what the song is about, but because of a few lines, I'm declaring it the new scrapbooking trip song.  Peeps, I give you "How We Go Out."

Simply awesome.

The lyrics I'm loving are:

On the way to the club we pass a Dairy Queen
You stop cause it you know it means so much to me
We take the back seats out of your mini van
Now we roll like a hummer or a full size sedan

obviously that would be because we have to take the back seats out of my van when we go on a trip.  And thought we don't usually stop at a Dairy Queen on the way, we do stop somewhere for goodies.

You get me hotter than a stick a hot glue
And I'm scrapbooking everything we do
Ring ring ring- that's my cell
Bring the bling when I sing of course I will

FINALLY!  A hip hop song that talks about scrapbooking!  Now my life is complete. 

You may return to your regularly scheduled weekend. 

What the hell Friday: all the news that’s sh*t

Edit:  If you're not in the mood for a semi-rant, just scroll to the bottom for some good 'ole Kerry Blog fun.

I'm sorry for the expletive, but I've been cursing more than usual and I blame the news.  Today's topic title comes from the idea behind the New York Times masthead and their slogan "all the news that's fit to print" which Rolling Stone changed to "all the news that fits" for the debut of the magazine in 1967.  But now, all the news that's sh*t seems to be a better phrase. 

This is a painful topic for me, being a news junkie and all.  I've loved all things journalism since I was 11 or so and I tend to soak up as much information as I can, via print, television, and the interwebs as a rule.  I took journalism for five years in high school, yes five (that's a whole 'nother post), and the only reason I didn't go into journalism in college is because I wanted to write fiction, not straight news.  But I did love my time writing for the Byrd high school newspaper and The Shreveport Times, I learned a lot and was in my element, at least one of them anyway.  But that's when news was news.

I have a beef with the media these days.  I guess I should restate that: I have a beef with the news media, our trusted news sources, the Big 3, the CNNs, and the local stations, too.  Why?  Here's why:

As I write this, at 1:40 CST, these are the top headlines on the CNN homepage:

Let's examine this, shall we?  Disgraced minister Teg Haggard sexual preference is not news.  I don't care if it's sex with both teams of whoever the hell is in the Super Bowl or their mascots, it's not news.  It's just not. 

Neither is the crazy woman who has had octuplets.  Why?  Because she has 6 children at home and went through fertility treatments to have the new babies.  That's not news.  I know I'm going to get flack for this, but because I'm riled up already, I don't care.  Here's my view:  just because you CAN have babies doesn't mean you SHOULD.  The smallest baby was 1.8 lbs.  What kind of problems do you expect these babies to have?  And the woman lives with her parents, no mention of the father.  At best this is a story for the Health section, under ethics (and no, I'm not a medical expert, but I do have common sense). 

No, the Obama girl look-alike is not news.  Please.

Neither is Stuff White People Like, although it is a funny website. 

Eating well for under 10 bucks is a Living story. 

Pole dancers?!  Pole freaking dancers?!  Is CNN just trying to tick me off or what?  This is so not news.  Not effing news.  No effing way.  You know what would be news?  If I were a pole dancer. 

Amy Winehouse's house being burglarized?  What were they after, her crack pipe?  Not news.  Not unless they broke in and found shiny ass unicorns dancing the can-can with Amy's wig. 

Mittens the cat — now CNN is mocking me.  This is Star Magazine stuff.

Do you see what I mean?  Does anyone remember that we're in a recession, a war, massive debt, environmental crisis — just to name a few?  I know those subjects aren't fun, but that's what news is.  News is serious business, you know news is serious because newscasters wear suits.  Suits are for serious situations.  Frivilous stories belong in entertainment and silly blogs and things.  Mittens the cat should be on FUPenguin.  Amy Winehouse belongs on TMZ.  The Obama girl look-alike, who cares?   To be fair, the Obama thing is a Feature and should appear in Living, nowhere near the CNN top stories.  These things should be tucked at the bottom in the categories in which they belong.

I don't know what happened to reporting serious news.  I miss Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw. 

In case you're thinking it's just CNN and to show both sides, here's the top FOX News stories at 2:58 CST:

Now, the Kerry Blog is anything but Fair and Balanced, so I'm calling FOX out — y'all ain't reporting the news either!  Yeah, I said it.  The politicians' signatures, sister attacking the bride, Drew Peterson's fiancee, and Amy Crackhouse  — not the news, not even close. 

Just for fun, and because I'm in a mood, here's the news story of the day that I'm making up off the top of my head, because that's where I keep my bestest ideas. 

128778242684964107
BREAKING NEWS:

SPACE HOOKERS HAVE LANDED, OBAMA DEFERS TO BILL CLINTON

Reports are coming in from the MId-West of Space Hookers landing in cornfields.  President Obama has deferred to former President Bill Clinton on this issue, citing the current economic crisis and Clinton's accomplishments  in diplomatic affairs. 

When contacted for a comment, former President Bush said, "there's hookers in space?  DAAYUUUM!"

Please stay with KBN the Kerry Blog Network for further developments .  We now return you to your regularly scheduled program. 

The photo comes courtesy of plaidstallions.com (my current obsession) and I made the Breaking News pic on icanhascheeseburgers.com. 

overheard at Walgreens this afternoon

After going to the grocery store, I stopped by Walgreens to get a pad of manuscript paper that's required for Katie's homework and while I was on the school supply aisle I got a pack of blue Sharpie pens as I do any time I'm in a store that has them.  People, the Sharpie pens are the best.  I've realized that because I have OCD about stupid things, I pick up a pack of Sharpie pens whenever I'm in a store that sells them, as not all stores do and apparently I'm afraid of ever being without one.  I know this is eccentric behavior, but I've always been a pen person and it is not unusual for me to buy them in this manner, so don't get the straightjacket out quite yet.   

So, I'm checking out at Walgreens and the older lady behind me starts writing her check as I'm paying for my items.  This is the conversation I overhear between said customer and the clerk who is in her mid-60's, I'm guessing.

CUSTOMER:  I don't know when I'll get the hang of writing 2009 on these checks.

CLERK:  And it's passing by fast, January's almost over!

CUSTOMER:  I know, I know!

CLERK:  It will be February before we know it!

CUSTOMER:  And February's a short month.

CLERK:  Yeah, I saw that. 

It took every bit of reserve God has given me to not open my mouth.  Y'all know that's hard for me. 

open letter to Jessica Simpson

Double-belted
Dear Jessica,

Can I call you Jessica?  I know we've never met, but I'm cool and not stalkery in the least, so I'll call you Jessica.  True, I don't know any of your songs and not seen a single movie you've made, but I have tried on a pair of Jessica Simpon shoes, so I think we're pretty tight.  Glad we got that over with.  I'm writing to you because you're all over my interwebs today and honestly, though it is by no fault of your own, you're preventing me from getting some work done. 

Don't cry, it's not your fault, it's those bad bloggers, I'm not one of them, I promise.  These evil bloggers are calling you fat.  Now, I would never say that because I don't think you're fat, you're not!  And who the hell cares if you've gained a few pounds?  You're dating that Tony Romo guy, you're happy, maybe you're hitting Taco Bell a little more often, I don't know — I love the Taco Bell, myself, it's okay.  It's a Kerry Blog scientifically-proven fact that people gain a little weight when they're happy.  For instance, my hubs has gained some pounds since marrying me and it's obviously because I make him so freaking happy.  What do you mean I can't prove that?  Jess, I'm on your side, don't make me slap you.  Again with the crying?  Oh, come on, I was just kidding.

It's pathetic that the mean bloggers result to elementary school name-calling to go after you when some of us just want to help.  You're  gorgeous girl!  Lord knows if I looked like you I'd be naked all the time!  Really, you're still maybe a size 8 and I haven't been an 8 since 9th or 10th grade, I'd go to Target naked if I were an 8 — I'd blog naked, for that matter.  Jess, you just need a girlfriend to go shopping with to help you stay away from unflattering outfits like this.  Trust me, high-waisted denim and and a double belt never did a girl with curves any favors.  I'm not saying anything about the pockets. 

Honey, come over, we'll get you fixed up with a good bra to boost the girls up (I know a thing or two about this, ask my friends), find a good pair of jeans, and I'll help you burn that infernal belt.  Really, girl, I'd fire whoever told you to wear that belt, it's all kinds of wrong.  And while you're at it, tell that make-up artist of your's to find some red lipstick, that pinky-lilac washes you out.  At least the make-up artist didn't make you look older 'cause then I'd have say ala Kanye, "THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTONS SHIT!"  And red lipstick just makes you feel good.  You'll have to trust me on that one, too.  For now, just go to Walgreens and get a tube of L'oreal True Red and put it on, it's practically an anti-depressant.  That is also Kerry Blog proven.  So have your people call my people (me in a British accent) and set up a shopping date, it's going to be fine. 

xxxooo,

Kerry

tunes you need Tuesday: it’s the bloody Pet Shop Boys, Sweetie edition

In an effort to expose all of my guilty and not so guilty pleasures, today's Tunes You Need Tuesday features one of my favorite bands, The Pet Shop Boys.  If you're not a fan, or if you only know "What Have I Done to Deserve This?" and "West End Girls," maybe after today's post you may download some of their songs to your iPod.  I am convinced PSB are the best music to walk or work-out to and they're great to drive to as well, scrapbook to, whatever. Oh, and guess what?  I finally figured out how to embed mp3s, so now you can listen to the tunes and read and I don't have to hunt down a YouTube video of the song (although some are quite fun), so here's hoping I actually got it right. 

The Pet Shop Boys came on the scene back in 1984-85 and released their first album, Please, in 1986.  They were an instant success with "Love Comes Quickly," Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money)," and "West End Girls."   I remember Please being one of the first records I had to have and I practically burned the thing up listening to it on my turntable.  It was divine and very different from a lot of the music going on in the mid-eighties, it was obviously synthesizer-based, but the lyrics were so provocative and unlike the other "dance/pop" music  out there.  Something that has always stood for me out is Neil Tennant's voice, it's almost other worldly, speech-like, and enunciated unlike any other voice in music that I'm aware of.  Chris Lowe is the other half of the PSB, he's the one in sunglasses and a hat in front of the keyboard who rarely speaks.  The PSB are the Penn & Teller of electronic music. 

I thought I'd attempt to showcase a few PSB tunes you man not be all that familiar with, the first being the cover of Willie Nelson's "Always on my Mind," I know, not immediately what comes to mind when you think of PSB.  "Always on my Mind" first appeared on the extended version of Actually and later on 1988's Introspective and rated #2 our of 50 on the list of greatest covers of all time by Britian's Daily Telegraph.  That's cool stuff. 

Over the years PSB have released 10 one-word titled studio albums, several compilation albums, and 4 numbered Disco albums of remixes. My hands down favorite PSB album is Behaviour.  Their fourth studio album is pretty brilliant with "This Must be the Place I Waited Years to Leave," "Jealousy," and "Being Boring."  The latter is one of the best songs I've ever listened to.  There is a website devoted to the song with 150 pages of information, lyrics, trivia, and articles written over the past 19 years since the release of Behavior.  People seriously love this song, and if I had to write a thesis (which I probably never will, since I'm allergic to college) it would be on "Being Boring."  The song is inspired by the words of Zelda Fitzgerald, wife of my man F. Scott and is about a man looking back at his life, reminiscing.  Here is "Being Boring" and some of the lyrics I love. 

Now I sit with different faces
in rented rooms and foreign places.
All the people I was kissing,
some are here and some are missing
in the nineteen-nineties.

I never dreamt that I would get to be
the creature that I always meant to be.
But I thought, in spite of dreams,
you’d be sitting somewhere here with me.

And because too much is never enough, I thought I'd share "Se a Vide E` (That's the Way Life is)," my favorite feel-good PSB song.  It's from the Bilingual album and is pure fun.   

In case you're wondering where today's title comes from, it's a line from the song "Absolutely Fabulous."  The song has bits of lines from the British sitcom Absolutely Fabulous (a great show — if you haven't seen it, hit up YouTube for the outrageousness) and the two main characters say "dahling" and "sweetie" a ton, so it's the bloody Pet Shop Boys, Sweetie.  I think I'll start calling people Sweetie for no reason.  Why not?  So, go download a few PSB songs for your workout — off the top of my head I reccommend "Bet She's Not Your Girlfriend," "I Don't Know What You Want But I Can't Give it Anymore," "Can You Forgive Her," "Yesterday When I Was Mad," and of course "What Have I Done to Deserve This?" and "Suburbia."  It's all good stuff to walk or bike to.  I once rode 16 miles on the stationary bike to the PSB and lived to tell the tale.  That's all there is to the tale, but I lived nontheless.   Anydahling, I hope you enjoyed todays tunes.  If you have a suggestion for next week, let me know. 

happy Chinese new year and all

China_7

Happy Chinese New Year to all my favorite peeps.  Y'all don't get too crazy now

xxxooo, Kerry

my new strategy and a new feature: Sunday Rewind

There are times when I would like nothing more than to not speak throughout an entire day.  Those days would require some sort of explanation, preferably one that could be read by people from a distance, say a message on a shirt.  That message would be:

Seduction-is-my-new-strategy
I believe wearing a shirt like this would keep people away, or at least at a distance.  I love that this isn't even a tee shirt.  I'll be sure and wear my low-rise jeans that are a size too small with it as to have the "muffin top" effect.  I think that makes the outfit. 

 It reminds me of the "Frankie Say Relax" Frankie Goes to Hollywood tee from back in the day.  I think I need one of those, too.  And the "Choose Life" tee from the Wham! video.  I really need the Wham! shirt.  Yes, I definitely need that one.

Which brings to mind an idea, I'm thinking of starting a new feature on the Kerry Blog.  I'm not sure what to call it, but the idea is after a radio station in Atlanta I loved that had "Resurrection Sunday" and played all '80s music for a few hours.  Love love love that.  I'm not stealing the title, never liked the title, but love the premise — with a Kerry Blog twist.  Now, this is purely for entertainment purposes, not for education as I will not be introducing bands to you as I do on Tunes You Need Tuesdays.  No, our Sunday Rewind will be all about the '80s with a few '90s leftovers and because I'm a girl, I'm sure will be full of a lot of my old crushes from back in the day. 

Our inaugural Sunday Rewind kicks off with one of my faves, Wham!  I love me some Wham!  I love the era of Wham! as well, back when George Michael was the hottest guy on the planet and I thought I could grow up and be one of the Wham! back-up singers.  Today's song is "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" because it features some of my favorites: George Michael's perfect hair, the Choose Life tees, the gloves, saxophones, black-light and neon stuff, and The Short Shorts.  Oh, The Short Shorts!  Here you go-go!

Here's a bonus for your Sunday: the Wham! Rap. This is one of my all-time favorites.  How can you not love a song that celebrates unemployment and looking cool?  That's all kinds of awesome.  This is the original version of the song, not the one released in the US (oh, crap, I slipped some song education in there, didn't I?) .  Anyrap, pay attention to the fashion in the video — it's worth watching to see George Michael and Andrew Ridgely in capris.  I'm serious.  And it's George before the blonde highlights.  You're welcome.
 

what the hell Friday: cabin fever edition

The What the Hell Friday title should be The Why the Hell do All 3 of these Monchichis Have to be Sick at the Same Damn Time Edition.  Unfortunately, that title is too long.  One of my pet peeves are blog post titles that go over one line, and yes, I know that it's just me, because things like that do not bother normal people.  Since it would be wrong to complain about the kids being sick, the hubs being out of town, and not getting to go bra shopping, so here's another thought: don't y'all know enough about me?

Here's the thing: I get approximately 742 emails a day, give or take 700.  I have not yet figured out why I get at least two of the "getting to know you" emails a week.  Most of the time they're the same, sometimes they're fun, but I never know if I should fill them out or not.  What I've decided is that my friends obviously want to know more about me.  My life is practically an open book, well, it's at least it's not a locked diary you'd have to break open with a paperclip anyway.  So, I thought I'd do one more of these things for the year — unless a really funny one shows up in my Inbox, that is.  Consider me off the "getting to know you" list, I'm done.  If you desperately need to know something about me, ask — it's all good. 

The Last Getting-to-Know-You of 2009

1. What time did you get up this morning?     the crack of crack.
2. Diamonds or pearls?      hmm.  I'll take both, I'm not picky.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?   really, who says cinema?  the Yes Man, I think. 
4. What is your favorite TV show?     Grey's Anatomy, House, Top Chef, What Not to Wear
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?      coffee, the breakfast of champions!
6. What is your middle name?     Renae — this was on the last one of these things.  Get original. 
7. What food do you dislike?       I really, really do not like fruit.  I love veggies, not fruit.  I especially hate melons of any kind.  The only fruits I will eat are apples, bananas, strawberries, and plums, sometimes peaches, but I have to be in a mood for fruit — trust me, I've never walked into the kitchen and said "man, I sure could go for an apple."  I don't like the texture of most fruits, I'm weird. 
9. What kind of car do you drive?     a pimped-out Chrysler Town and Country minivan
10. Favorite sandwich?     I'm not much of a sammich person, but I love a good grilled cheese or a half shrimp/half oyster po-boy.
11. What characteristic do you despise?     all the bad ones — being a straight up biatch/jerk would suffice.
12. Favorite item of clothing?      undies.  that's kind of weird, isn't it?  I have to have good undies.  There, don't you feel better knowing that?  I love my black Igigi dress and my Lucky Brand scarf that everyone asks if I croceted, that makes me laugh.
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?     I'm really not adventurous, like, at all — but I would love to go to Ireland, and England, and back to Graceland — my favorite of all the Lands. 
14. What color is your bathroom?     white and off-white, seriously.
15. Favorite brand name of clothing?     Cacique.  I was going to say Lane Bryant, but I'm going with Cacique now.  Ha.
16. Where would you retire to?     somewhere with a couple of really great scrapbook stores and Mexican restaurants, no snow, and good roads.
17. What was your most memorable birthday?      Lord, I don't know.  Oh, yeah, my 23rd — we were on our honeymoon cruise  — it was the fancy night, they brought a cake to the table, and I was horribly sunburned, good times!
18. Favorite sport to watch?    I watch ice skating for the falls.  You know you do, too — don't judge.  If you say you don't you're lying, plain and simple.
19. Farthest place you are sending this?     heaven
20. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?    Jesus
21. Person you expect to send it back first?     Hillary Clinton
22. Favorite saying?     Shut up; I'm going to shoot myself in the face; I got no love for hoes, I'm out the door.
23. When is your birthday?     July 9th — the best day ever
24. Are you a morning person or a night person?     y'all know I'm a night person
25. What is your shoe size?     9.  here's tidbit of useless info for you: I wore a 7 1/2 before kids.  That's right, I've gone up half a shoe size with each child. 
26. Pets?     Lucy the basset hound
27. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us?      YES!!!
28. What did you want to be when you were little?     queen
29. What are you wearing today?     black yoga pants and a teal tee from Target that has those scrapbooky birds on it.
30. What is your favorite candy?     M&MS and Snickers — this was on the last thing too — damn copycats.
31. Wh at is your favorite flower?     Hydrangeas, carried them in my wedding
32. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?     always tomorrow
33. What church do you attend?     1st Baptist Covington
34. What is your full name?     what the hell?  do you want my SSN too?  My name is Kerry "ReeRee" Branton (not Brandon) Faler
35. What are you listening to right now?     Molly trying to teach Andrew how to play kazoo of all things.
36. What was the last thing you ate?     Taco Bell
37. Do you wish on stars?     nope
38. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?     Tickle Me Pink, Bittersweet, or Burnt Sienna
39. How is the weather right now?      really humid and yucky
40. Last person you spoke to on the phone?     Scott, the hubs
41. Do you like the person who sent this to you?     love their guts
42. Favorite soft drink?     Coke Classic, the way God intended Coke to be
43. Favorite restaurant?     here — Casa Garcia, hometown — Monjunis
44. Hair color?     red
45. Favorite day of the year?     I don't know.  I really like the 4th of July for some reason. 
46. What was your favorite toy as a child?     Barbie and my stuffed Radio Shack cocker spaniel with the radio inside. 
47. Summer or winter?  boo-yah!  autumn
48. Hugs or Kisses?     hugs
49. Chocolate or Vanilla?     shut up.  Chocolate.  That's like saying Ghandi or Hitler?!
50. Do you want your friends to email you back?     nah, just leave some comments and we'll be cool.
51. When was the last time you cried?     Wednesday.
52. What is under your bed?     Scott's guitar and probably a couple of rogue socks
53. What did you do last night?     partied like it was 1999.  I put the kids to bed, watched Grey's and then Katie started throwing up — it was freakin' awesome!  In between cleaning up vomit, I talked to Scott and finally watched Craig Ferguseon for a much needed laugh. 
54. Favorite smell?     I love the scent of pears (not the taste), Polo cologne, and Wrigley's Spearmint gum. 
55. What are you afraid of?     why is there always a crappy question that ticks me off on these damn things?  Let me think.  I'm afraid of big-ass birds, but y'all know that.  I'm afraid of stuff in scary movies and that some conspiracy theories aren't just theories — how about that?  Oh, and skin cancer. 
56. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn?     I haven't had popcorn since being preggo with Andrew over 3 years ago.  Can't eat the stuff now.
57. How many keys on your key ring?     Damn, I don't know!  I think 4. 
58. How many years at your current job?     hahahaha — I've been a professional mom for 8 years Sunday.   
59. Favorite day of the week?    Sunday, Saturday — the 2 days I don't have to wake up at 6:15 in the a.m.
60. How many cities have you lived in?     a bunch.  9.  I may be leaving one out, I've lost track and I'm not sure how long you have to be in one place for it to qualify as "living" there.
61. Do you make friends easily?    maybe. Not really, because I just don't put myself out there, but I do keep my friends for a long time. 
62. How many people will you be sending this to?     the entire interwebs on the Google

Okay, that's it.  For the bonus round, here's a few more: I absolutely hate calling people I don't know; I was the tallest girl in my kindergarten class — hilarious; I totally love Wham!;  I could watch Love Actually, When Harry Met Sally, and Notting Hill a million times;  I made the Honor Roll in school exactly one time, and managed to still make the Who's Who list — that crap is rigged; and lastly — I do not like the great outdoors — at all — never have and think roughing it is a hotel without fluffy bathrobes.  

Enjoy your weekend, peeps.  Back to the real world.

that’s what I’m talking about

this is for my friends on the right.  Betcha would've voted for Obama if you knew you were getting your very own unicorn!

and just because I'm living in a bad sitcom (Molly has a fever, Katie's throwing up, and snotty Andrew ate so many Tootsie Rolls that he fell asleep in front of the tv and was literally stuck to the carpet) and needed a laugh, I give you this little gem:

and I wrote this haiku for Frugal Beth's haiku-loving 9 year-old, Sarah:

it's January

oh so cold and sometimes warm

you can wear capris

and here's another one, just because I can't sleep:

in elusive dreams

this sleep is just a rumor

taunting my eyelids

well, this post went to hell in a handbasket

EDIT:  just to let you know, when I'm angry I use lots of punctuation, yes, more than usual.  If you don't mind that, continue on.

Friends and peeps, I spent a good while last night and practically all morning documenting for the blog the ridiculosity that was our scrapbook trip to Pearl and guess what?  When I took Molly and Andrew (who are home sick today) to grab lunch (because we have no food in our house unless you count condiments and popcorn and one papaya) and guess what should happen when I get back to the hizzouse?  I lost the post.  Damn interwebs connection on the Google machine went out for probably 10 seconds and — because I obviously can't learn from past mistakes — the post was gone.  Join me in this one — arrrrrrghhhhH! I blame Al Gore.

When I discovered the post was gone, the almost 8 year-old in the house, Molly, informed me that I said an "S Category Word"  whatever the hell that means.  Because she was in the room, I said "stupid computer" which is a helluva lot nicer than what I was thinking and because I'm relatively civilized I won't write those thoughts at this time. 

So, I will partially tell the tale of our trip in pictures, since I in no way have the patience to rewrite the entire post, which I assure you, was the stuff Pulitzer dreams of; although it was longer than Gone With The Wind because the trip was the stuff of legend.

Freddie
Here's what you need about the trip (think of it as the Cliff's Notes version): we went to check-in to our hotel at midnight last Thursday night, the front-desk dude was not there and after over an hour of looking for another hotel, we returned to the Sleep Inn to be greeted by Mr. Pornstache who resembled a chubby Freddie Mercury of Frugal Beth's favorite band, Queen.  If you happen to see Frugal Beth while you're out and about be sure to sing "We Are the Champions," she hearts that song.  Oh, and I fell down in the parkinglot because I am a superstar.

Anystache, it was around 1:30 am when  we got to our room. 

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Onto our next photo.  The battery in my Scrapmobile (kind of like the Batmobile, but with pink tools that could very well be used as weapons) died and Meg'n and I had to go get a new battery for the thing.  Because girl likes to shop, I picked up this little beauty for the rear view mirror. It's superfantastic except for when the sun hits it just right and the reflected light burns your retinas.  

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On Friday night Meg, Lori, and I retired to our luxurious room and discoverd a sign to the left of our door we'd missed previously because of the sheer anger of the night before. 

The small sign pointing to our room reads "snack vending machine."  I assure you, our room was not a vending machine, although we did have gum in our purses. 

We were past the point of delirious at midnight when we saw the sign.  I told the girls that I then knew why there were quarters stuck under the door that morning and drunk people kept banging on the door in the middle of the night yelling "gimme my damn Andy Capp Hot Fries!  Where are the effing Kit Kats?!" 

So, that in 3 photos sums up the trip.  From now on when I think of Pearl, those images will come to mind. 

Oh, and by the way, by what I believe to be the intervention of Jesus, we did not make the wrong turn we've made on 2 previous occassions and end up at the Turkey Creek Water Park — just in case you were keeping score at home.